When my kids are fighting(which is not infrequently) it drives me insane. INSANE. I grew up as the youngest by 6, 9, and 12 years. There wasn't very much sibling fighting in my home, at least not that I remember. And because of this age difference, I think my 3 sisters would have gotten in pretty big trouble for fighting with the "innocent" baby of the family. So, part of my frustration it is that I'm just not used to it.
Another part of how I respond is that one of my strengths (according to the Strengths Finders assessment which I highly recommend) is Positivity. I like feeling happy. I look for the silver lining. I'm a shiny, happy people. I'm Izzy. Not dark and twisty like Meredith. And fighting children messes up the picture of a happy little home that I desire to have. Don't mess with my positivity. It makes me negative.
If you have any thoughts on dealing with fighting and sibling rivalry, feel free to send them my way. I know I need to PRAY and watch my reactions. Because their fighting grates at me so, I can tend to react in frustration and anger. I am currently memorizing and meditating on Proverbs 15:1. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. And James 1:19, 20. My dear brothers, take note of this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Unfortunately, I'm slow where I should be quick and quick where I should be slow.
But really what compelled me to write this post is that when my kids fight, I'm frustrated. But when they are getting along, running through the house laughing and playfully teasing one another joyfully and boisterously (as they are this very minute), I am bugged. Severely bugged. I'm telling them to STOP!
Seriously, what is my problem????
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13 comments:
I have a solution to your kids' fighting problem....teach kindergarten! Really! I redirect twenty-one kiddos everyday that when I come home, I hardly notice fighting. Oh, they do fight because my husband says frequently...Aren't you going to say or do something about that? Or "Why do you just let them continue?" I say, "What are you talking about?" I am oblivious to the entire thing!
Wow - you're me. I grew up an only child and thought the stories about the way siblings fight over dumb stuff were exaggerated. And, I do the same thing when they are running around playing and getting loud, I get on to them. Then, I feel bad because I know I can't just expect them to sit and play without making a peep.
Sorry I didn't have an answer - just know you're not alone. :)
i have the same problem-at least you're not alone :)
I SO hear you. I never knew a 2 and 4 year old would FIGHT. Or that noise was so annoying.
I am convicted by the verses you shared, THANK YOU! Seriously. i needed to hear it. I am working on my reaction as a mom...I don't want my babies to remember are harsh nasty ugly mommy that came out to holler at them daily...not pretty.
Thanks for being real!
Sensory overload. I go into the shower, turn on the bathroom fan to drown out the kids' noise and turn off the lights and just sit there in the bottom of the nice, hot shower. It's the closest thing to a sensory deprivation closet I can come up with.
Tattling: Each day tell them that if someone tattles that both parties will go their rooms for 30 minutes. Up the time by 30 minutes each time they do it until they hit 2 hours. Then, if they do it again, it's off to bed no matter what time it is.
This takes about two days and then they start figuring out how it work it out.
My mom got so sick of my brother and I bickering and fighting that she finally snapped. While we were at each others throats, again, she finally hollered for both of us to go to our room (which we shared at the time) and beat the snot out of each other! She told us not to come out till it was settled. We were absolutely SHOCKED and bewildered. We spent the afternoon in our rooms snickering about the smoke rolling out of mom's ears and the way her eyes were glowing. Not exactly the reaction she was probably hoping for, but we were getting along none the less! OH! Tim's father had a phrase while there was fighting going on and someone would cry "Daaad!" it was, "Wipe up the blood!"
Same problem here. I HATE the bickering. It really really annoys me. Since I am always the Mom Of The Year, I sometimes make them play in separate rooms for a few minutes so I can get a little peace. :)
I crave the fights. Because right now I'm on a roll of good parental come-backs. Ya know the kind you come up with and they are so insanely horrifying to your children that you have to leave the room to crack up at how funny you are. Here are latest of my so-wrong-it's-hilarious parental come backs:
1. "if you can chose to fight with each other, you can chose to serve each other". They then have to go do something nice for the other person and report back to you for approval.
2. This one is my favorite... "sounds like you need to learn what the scriptures say about fighting". I then assign appropriate principles to each kid that they need to work on (kindness, soft words, charity, love, etc...). They then have to find a scripture and a quote and write a talk about their principle they need to work on that would be good enough to give in church. They then have to share it with the whole family before they can do anything. (warning - do not use this unless you have at least 30 minutes for them to write their talk. and most likely they will need your help. You also might need to leave the room to hide your fits of laughter).
3. I make the fighters bear hug for while i count slowly for 30 seconds. It ends with a kiss. (and lots of laughter usually)
4. "if you can fight together, you can work together". I then give them a horrific job, like cleaning the bathroom or hauling in wood that they have to do together.
5. When all else fails, have them lay completely prone on the dirty hard tiled kitchen floor with their nose on a particular tile.
6. They have to chose each others consequence. They are usually harder on each other than you would be. And they usually end up laughing.
I found that no matter how much i try to control them, i have to take care of me first. That's why i usually make their consequence something that will make me laugh. Have fun laughing!!
I can't wait to be a mom, so that I can see even more clearly and frequently how quick to anger I can be.
I loved reading the comments on this one...too much fun....Mine are so close in age, they mostly get along...If they do fight, I think I'm one that doesn't hear it...Helen is my peace keeper and makes everyone listen...such a funny post..I needed that :) Thanks for your prayers and sweet comment..we're getting through this craziness, kristi
Hey-
Thanks for stopping by today. Loved reading this post. Mine are 2 and 3, so I know my time is coming with the fighting!
I just wanted to let you know the fabric choices are on my post from 03.11.2009 if you want to check them out.
We are in the same family- i think!! It goes on here too!
blessings,
kari & kijsa
um. me 2. nough said.
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