obviously camping makes me sick

anyone who knows me, knows i am not a fan of camping. but there is this job necessity that i have called fall getaway. it's a retreat, not camping per se, but it might be a little close to nature for my liking.

still the fall getaway comes around every year and i am there, without fail. sadly this year, tate's youth group retreat was the same weekend so we were minus one on our team. still, we packed up and headed out for a weekend with our college students at a ranch camp...

every year, my kids love to play with the kitties...

this was the first year jack didn't even ask if we could bring one home. ah, progress!

this was also the first year our kids got to ride the horses...

and yes, my man rocked the shorts and cowboy boots combo. the marlboro man has nothin' on him...

he also held his own in our annual game of ultimate pumpkin. this is played with pumpkins greased with crisco. and this 44 year old heart throb hung in there with the 18-22 year olds...

proving to be, yet again and always, MY ultimate.

another kollar showed off her physical prowess on the high ropes course. unless you are a first time reader, you know it wasn't me. it was the divine miss em. she was super confident on the way up as she said "see ya, suckas!"...

but the view from up here helped keep her humility in check...

still she made it to the zip line...

conquering fear and the wind rushing through your hair are a nice combo. {or so i've heard}

lulu's fan club was out in full force, as usual...

this interchange was too precious...

not only did matt have lulu's heart, but he was simultaneously wooing every college girl watching, without even knowing it.

we got to be with our students. we got to enjoy the perfect weather. and we also got the flu. it hit jack saturday night. em early sunday morning. and me late sunday morning. even tate, at a different retreat, went down the same time i did.

despite the fact that i now have undeniable proof that camping (or near-camping) clearly makes me sick, i will be back again next year. and the next. and the next.

because i love it.

since you are dying to know

how potty training is going.

it's going like this...

between the easily distracted two year old and the easily distracted momma, we still have plenty of accidents.

don't worry lu, they are of a different variety, but mommy has plenty of "accidents" in life still. we're both gonna make it.

there are ways in which things seem to be breaking down around here. not the dishwasher or the van. things that can be even more costly in the long run. our marriage is fine (more than fine, actually). our family is intact and thriving in many ways. but i feel most days that i am at least flailing, if not failing, as a mother.

you may not have noticed but we have a lot of big personalities around here. and in the daily collision where life meets personalities (and temperaments and sin), i am feeling wearied. more by my own sin than anyone else's. i feel broken. i am broken. at times, i feel discouraged. at times i feel disheartened. but overall, i feel hopeful. i may be broken, but i am desperate before the lord. and i am learning. these are good things.

i just read ann voskamp's post on aholyexperience.com titled "when things get broken". every time i read her blog, i am strengthened and encouraged. her book "one thousand gifts" is my all time favorite book. i literally gasped five or six times in the book because the weight of what i was reading was so profound. this is what i read today...

you can't get to joy by making everything perfect. you can only get there by seeing in every imperfection all that's joy.

and so i have my marching orders. not from ann, but from scripture (give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of god in christ jesus for you. 1 thess. 5:18) no more striving to make everything perfect, or as close to perfect to as i can possibly get. instead i want to see all that is joy in every imperfection. i think my husband will notice the difference. i think my kids will feel the difference. i think i will relish the difference in my mind and heart.

i've got big plans today. i'm going on a hunt for joy.

learning from lu

i learn so much from my kids every day. like how to forgive well. and how to live life with exuberance. and how to wear the same pair of underwear for days on end without batting an eyelash. (i don't practice that last one, btw)

lately i have been learning a lot from little miss lulu. while out for coffee and muffins with a friend, we began to munch while happily chatting away. lulu said "momma, we didn't pray!" thank you, baby, for reminding me to be thankful in all things.

another day, on the way into sam's club i told her we were going to get food. she asked "food for africa?" that stopped me dead in my tracks. what a good reminder as i go to fill my pantry that there are empty pantries, and empty tummies, in this world.

and then when we were pretending that she gave me forty dollars, i asked "how should i spend the money?". she answered "O-pia?" (which is how she says ethiopia). i already had my fictional $40 spent on curtains or new jeans or lots of pumpkin spice lattes. but again, out of the mouths of babes, i was reminded that we are blessed to be a blessing. from the girl who is "blessings" herself...

our two countries

september 11th.

a day to remember both the tragedy and the triumph of the american people "out of the ashes". i was pretty far removed from direct impact of the events of that day, but it is still a part of me. i vividly remember the images of the burning buildings with people jumping from them to escape the torture. but what is burned in my mind and heart even more is the heroism of that day and the days that followed. i am especially captured by the passengers of united flight 93. ordinary people who banded together and rose up for extraordinary purposes. they inspire this ordinary girl to want to give her life to make a difference.

our homeland. our country. the united states of america...

september 12th.

a day to celebrate the ethiopian new year (enkutatesh). this usually falls on september 11th, but because it is leap year on the ethiopian calendar, it was september 12th this year. so we got dressed up in ethiopian-inspired apparel...

and headed out to celebrate at the local african restaurant...

but it was closed...

i was highly disappointed because leftovers and ben and jerry's ice cream hardly seemed like a suitable celebration. jack and em were THRILLED at the thought of not eating ethiopian food. one of them complained as we were headed out, "why do I have to eat ethiopian food. it's not my country."

but i have a different philosophy. i don't know if it is the right approach, but i say ethiopia is part of our whole family now. we, including luci, are citizens of the u.s. but we have a connection with ethiopia to be treasured and honored. as our kids grow, they will decide how closely they will identify with ethiopia. just like they will make their own decisions about how they view our decisions, our values, and our faith. and lulu will make up her own mind about how she views her two countries. but we want to set a good example of honoring them both...

her homeland. our country. ethiopia.

my new year's resolution is to be a part of a solution to bring about lasting change for ethiopia and for the world. like the passengers on united flight 93, i have a chance to band together with others, rise up and make a difference. i need to pray and i want to act. i don't want to be satisfied just because my kids have a home and my kids have food and my kids are healthy. may i be resolute in my participation, both here and around the world, for physical, emotional and physical needs to be met in the name and power of christ. so that many more may get a chance to have a happy new year.

melkam addis amet.

the five seasons

summer, winter, spring, fall, and closely related, football season...

touchdown...

torturing the teenage spectator...

our version of backyard football...

you can tackle the toddler...

but she's still gonna strike a pose for the camera...

showing off her husker "tootoo"...

we love this season!

(p.s. thanks for the bloggy love. i liked my comments and now i will quit whining.)

have i no shame? i guess not.

i have read posts before of bloggers who, in my opinion, were begging for comments. though i could relate to their feelings, i honestly considered that to be a bit, well, pathetic. and beneath me. (i know, i'm kind of a jerk. sorry.) but the funny thing is that prideful thoughts such as those usually have a way of coming back to bite me in the butt. when such things happen (and they do with some frequency) i like to think of it as the lowercase version of god's justice.

all of this is leading somewhere. and that somewhere is here...

why you no write me no comments?

that's lulu-speak for "i miss my comments". or more accurately, i miss my commenters. i know i say this blog is just for me, but apparently, it's not completely true. deep down, i would be perfectly happy to be a pioneer woman-esque bigtime blogger (so long as i have to put very little effort into it). now that the truth is out, it has come to this: shameless begging. i know we didn't just come home with lulu. and i know i rarely use capitals. and i know i am a little messed up in the head. but here is my (borrowed) plea to you...

"I'm looking for my commenters. Wait...okay, okay, okay. If this is where is has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I'm not letting you get rid of me, how about that? This used to be my specialty. You know, I was good in a living room (writing my blog). They'd send me in there and I'd do it alone...I miss my- I miss my commenters. We live in a cynical world, a cynical world. And we work in a bloggy business of tough competitors. I love you. You complete me."

and now is when you can feel free to comment, "you had me at hello, miss. you had me at hello."

just in case it is pictures that entice you to comment, i offer this...

aww, so cute. doesn't it just make you want to comment? :)

so you see, i may be a lot of things (like judgmental, desperate, and pathetic). but i clearly ain't too proud to beg.

p.s. i wrote this whole dang appeal, but couldn't bring myself to click "publish post". it's not my pride (for once), it's just that i really don't want anyone to be shamed into writing comments to me. it goes against one of the deepest passions of my heart: freedom. so though this post is on one hand totally serious, know that it is also an attempt at humor. please do not feel that my shameless plea obligates that you show me the money in comment form. i won't enjoy comments if i feel like they were only to appease the 14 year old girl psyche residing in my 41 year old body. continue to be free to blog and comment (and not comment) as you please, ya know?!

i promise i don't make this stuff up

the two year old teenager is at it again...

when asked if she needed to go potty she shrugged and said "whatevs."

as we were shopping she said out of the blue, "boom! roasted!" (name that tv quote).

and in response to me talking under my breath she asked, "what you say mommy? you talking to yourself again?" yep.

this holiday weekend, like just about everyday around here, should be interesting.