Six months ago today

There once was a path...
That led to a gate...
That led to the moment of a lifetime...
They led us to you...
Six months ago today.

You were scared...
And overwhelmed by it all...
If you want to know the truth, so was I.

Six months ago today.

But we had been waiting for that moment. It was thrust upon you. And I already had you in my heart. I already loved you. You had no idea who we were, these strangers fawning all over you.

Six months ago today.

One thing is certain, you know now, as we do. You are ours. We are yours. We belong together...

We've been together now longer than we were apart. Those days will always be with you. You will forget, you may have forgotten them already. But we will remind you. We will all hold your first 5 months in our hearts. Along with the country and the original family who gave you life.

But everything changed, six months ago today.

Today, we are a family...
And that will never change.

A Tale of Two Weekends

Our last two weekends have been full. Last weekend there was a wedding. Not the kind you get to go to alone with your husband and focus solely on getting a good seat near the food line. The kind where the bride and groom are so dear to you that most of your family ends up involved in the wedding. Bill officiated and Jack was the Ring Bearer...
Tate and Em were the gift attendants. They took it really seriously...
Kind of...
It was my job to try to keep Lulu from saying "Dada!" loudly over and over again during the vows as she saw her Daddy up front. I didn't do so great at my job. She did quiet down at the reception though...
Since we were all dressed up I thought it would be a great idea to get a family picture...
Wrong again. Poor Jack was exhausted what with the task of trying to behave all day and the picture-taking he already had to do with the wedding party. He fell asleep of his own accord at 6pm that night.

There was far less sleeping going on this weekend, for me at least. It was our annual Women's Slumber Party for our Church...
I love being with these women as each year there are many tears from sharing deeply with one another. We decided that next year we should just make Kleenex boxes the centerpieces. But we didn't cry the whole time. We did a goodly amount of laughing too. In fact, there was so much laughter coming from room 802 in the middle of the night that we got called out in the meeting for it the next morning.

Our weekends have been full. Probably too full judging by the fact that my Christmas decorations are still up. My Christmas cards are not all sent. And my cupboards are rather bare. Not good. But my heart is full right now. And that is very, very good.

In a fog...

literally and figuratively. We haven't seen sunlight for many days around here. Instead there has been a daily dose of fog and haze. Here's what it has looked like every day for the past week...
(Okay, that's what it looks like in my sister's beautiful back yard. My yard has the same fog, but only a few small and scattered trees.)

It's fitting, really, since I think I've been in a fog since returning from Ethiopia in August. I haven't felt "myself". I feel like our transition has gone smoothly. Lulu is doing well. The older kids are doing well. But, the thing is, I'm not sure I am doing well. Is it possible to have post-post-adoption depression?

I don't know that my "foggy-ness" has that much to do with our adoption. Especially since I view the past 6 months as some of the happiest of my life. But after we returned from Ethiopia, and everything was so new, I remember feeling like a bit of a stranger in my own life. I kind of felt like I was watching my life happening rather than participating in it. The crazy thing is, 6 months later, I still kind of feel that way. I can't quite place my finger on it, but I just don't feel like myself. I'm not motivated for much. I feel a bit isolated from my former life. I don't really miss it. I think I just haven't quite figured it all out. Or figured me out. Good luck with that one!

Tonight I think I took a good step forward, though. I was scheduled to give a talk to our students. I enjoy speaking. But, the problem is that this fog I've been experiencing has also been a spiritual fog. I haven't been experiencing the Lord the way I'm used to over the past few months. I haven't been motivated to pursue Him. I couldn't very well give a talk to them about how they should pursue God if I'm not. So, I gave a talk to myself. They could listen if they wanted to, but I was the one who really needed to hear it. The talk was titled "Help, I'm Stuck!". I know, I know, I'm incredibly creative.

Writing this talk to myself was helpful in my journey. I loved asking God to lead me in His Word and speak to my heart. That process, along with standing before them letting them know of my great need for Jesus, did a little something to lift the fog.

I still don't really know what all has been going on with me. But I guess like I feel like I'm in a better place to find out.

Right now, the forecast here says this...

Fog ending

Low clouds, fog and poor visibility conditions will improve by the overnight hours.

Sounds the same as the forecast in my heart.

Update:
Here's what it looks like in my backyard today...
I guess the forecasters have a different definition of "fog ending" than I do. Oh well, both with the weather outside and the climate of my heart, these things can take time. I'm okay with that.

Cheerio!

In all the heaviness of the earthquake and my own fragile emotional state, I ordered up something light for my blog menu. So here it is: the long awaited post about how our toothless wonder is handling the brave new world of table foods.

Up first, cheerios...

This was not a hard skill for her to grasp since she's been trying to eat things off the floor for months. She was thrilled that I finally let her keep something in her mouth. She finished off the first few by clapping "yay!"...
There was a little bit of unfortunate gagging in the middle of the "yay"ing...
But everything worked out okay in the end.

Her second experience was an oreo. This was strictly contraband. She found it under a chair and I caught her in the act of devouring it...

Look at the way she is admiring her prey...
Our friend Taylor then said, "So that's what happened to the other half of my oreo!" Scrounging around to find a have eaten oreo? That has fourth child written all over it! Except that a typical fourth child, not a long awaited one with a 7 year gap, would probably have already been offered oreos several times over by now. I'm still being a bit of a scrooge in the sweets department.

We've also tried crackers...
I don't so much love the squishing it in your hands...
And then running your fingers through your hair...
Oh well. Food should be fun, right? Although, the whole event kind of wore her out...
She still is fed much of her food by Bill or me both for continued attachment and because I am uber-conservative about "chokey foods". Here Jack decided to share his after school snack with his baby sister...
And finally, to prove that I am not that "scrooge-y" when it comes to food, here's another after school snack time. Jack wanted bagels with...
Whipped cream. I agreed as long as the Redi-whip was doled out the "right way".

I woke up this morning feeling kind of depressed. In fact, that's been rather common for me for the past week. This often happens when we return from a trip as I experience some sort of re-entry stress getting back to my life. More than anything, I feel overwhelmed by what needs to be done around the house. Things that have been left undone for 6 months. And instead of chipping away at such tasks in my free time (when the kids are asleep), I am falling asleep with the kids and leaving the work for another day. But "another day" never seems to come.

Meanwhile, do you know how many times I have quickly clicked away from the images of Haiti when they come up on the computer? I don't want to face the reality so far away from my doorstep. I want to continue to wallow in my state of sadness over my messy house and not deal with the horrors that people are living in there.

But I am reading "The Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns, darnit. And it bids me to take a closer look. To feel outside of my own four walls. And to show compassion to "the least of these". It's not a new concept, of course. I've been reading the Bible for years and it's all over that book. But I am a slow learner. And I am desperately selfish. I just want everything to be easy. I just want everything to be happy. But all is not happy and easy in the world. Not today.

I am finding that if I insulate myself from the needs of the world, I might feel a little "happier", but my daily needs look more and more ominous. I lose perspective. And instead of giving myself to something outside of myself, I retreat inside myself and shut down. Awareness of the needs in the world propels me to compassion, while hiding from the needs of the world just makes me even more self-absorbed. For example, mounds of laundry can feel like a helpless state rather than millions of orphaned children or heaps of bodies in the streets of Port-au-Prince.

Not that I should ignore my own needs. Believe me, I am in no danger of that. I will take some time to reflect on what has been going on with me and I know the Lord will meet me right where I am. But I can do that while at the same time having both my mind and my heart open to those who suffer in ways I cannot imagine. And I think, because God made us to be connected to one another, my own needs are inextricably tied to the needs of the hurting all around the world. Whether I realize it or not.

So here I sit, 75 disturbing images later, a little dazed by what I have just seen of the situation in Haiti. I'm definitely not less depressed as a result. But I am glad that I am more engaged. And more able to respond, emotionally and otherwise, to the needs that exist outside my little world. Somehow the fact that my house is a mess doesn't seem as overwhelming to me right now since my house is, at least, still standing.

Eleven down, one to go

Guess who is 11 months old?
Yesterday our sweet Lulu had her 11 month birthday. This is how she celebrated...
with a 10 hour road trip. Doesn't everyone want to celebrate like that?

This has been a month of firsts for our sweet Luci May. She started waving "hi"...
(you'll have to trust me that the above is a wave in process. It's hard to capture on film)

And clapping "yay"...
We left her in a childcare situation for the first time...
I was a complete freak about it. Hovering and pleading with the workers to take care of my baby. I was also taking pictures of her and even her name written on the sign-in sheet...
She didn't cry when I finally left, but boy was she happy when I returned. It felt like a moment in a romantic movie when the couple is running toward one another in slow motion and music is playing in the background as she crawled to me and squealed with delight. I may have squealed a bit myself as the hour I was gone felt insufferably long. While observing her with the other babies we learned, not surprisingly, that she loves other babies. Unfortunately, she likes to show that love by pulling hair and trying to squeeze their cheeks and remove their eyes. Smiling all the while, of course. Proving that the most dangerous assailant is one who doesn't look dangerous.

She has slowed down a bit on giving "the flirty", but has picked up a really cute growl and teradachtal screech. She finally can say "Mama", but still has not referred to me directly as such. Believe me, when she does you will know about it as I will be shouting it from the blogland rooftops.

She learned how to use a sippie cup...
Kind of...
And she has just barely entered the world of table foods with her ever-vigilant "choking hazard freak" mother nervous about every bite. But that, my friends, is a whole post in itself. I hope your anticipation of the post detailing the eating habits of an 11 month old does not keep you up at night.

She also had her first public appearance in front of 1,000 people doing a cardboard testimony. It was a special moment for us to celebrate what God has done in our family at a conference with college students. One side of the cardboard said "I was an orphan" and the other side said...
I didn't want to "exploit" her in anyway, but we thought it would be cool to expose all those students to one of the ways that God transforms lives. A way he has transformed our lives. When we flipped the sign over, our sweet Lulu started to flail her arms and smile as if to say she was in agreement with God's plan. To be honest, I know she may not always celebrate her adoption and she has that freedom. But it was a moment I will always cherish as our family stood on that stage together to say "Thank you, God, for making us a family."

And this, the last of the "month birthday" posts is to say, Thank you God for making Luci May!

Merry (Ethiopian) Christmas!

January 7th is the day they celebrate Christmas in Ethiopia. There is much dancing and feasting, but little emphasis on gift-giving. We didn't really dance or feast. Unfortunately, though I had envisioned otherwise, we didn't really celebrate at all. The kids were disappointed that they weren't going to get even more gifts. Nice try, guys. But, I will use this opportunity to tell you about some of the gifts that we have been enjoying from our Christmas celebration.

It was the year of the Snuggie...
Or Sith Lord Robe as the case may be...
Don't ask me how they fell for these glorified airplane blankets with the most cheesy commercials ever, but they did...
I even want a zebra one now. Is it too late for me to change my mind about doing gifts for the Ethiopian Christmas?

Each child had much to be thankful for. A grateful Tate thanks Grandma for Lego Rock Band...
Emmie shows off the hat and scarf Grandma made for her...
And though Jack (correctly) thought he scored big time with his gift from Gunga...
I think he had even greater affection for the ginormous marshmellows he found in his stocking...

Lulu got some fun gifts like Sophie the giraffe...
And a sock monkey Jack in the box that I thought she would love. She did love it, but only when it was closed...
When the cute little sock monkey popped out, she was terrified.

But her favorite thing of all was a plastic cup...

I loved the magazine beads I got from 147 million orphans. I wear them all the time! I also love the shirt Bill got me. It is sooo comfie and so true...
Yeah, so if you want people to read what your shirt says on your blog, you can't take a picture of yourself in the mirror I guess. Or at least I can't. But you can check it out here.

Proving that giving really can be more fun than giving, the best presents this Christmas were ones that we gave. Like this sign we gave Gunga...
And the calendar we made for Grandma...
And the DVD my sister spent endless hours putting together for my mom with pictures we had all gathered of our family through the years. She didn't tell my mom what it was at first. She said it was a movie she found that she thought my mom would love. The picture below is when my mom first realized what the movie was as she saw a picture of my Dad...
If you ever want to know a beautiful love story, they had it.

So, Merry Christmas again (Melkam Ganna) from our family to yours!