i am kind of freaking out.

freaking out because i am SOOOO excited to go to the created for care retreat this weekend. i hope on a plane today and meet up with my dear friend christine. god knit our hearts together in ethiopia and i can't wait to be with her again...

as if that wasn't enough, we are also going to be with 400 other adoptive moms. several whose blogs i have followed for years. women who i feel like i know. which brings me to the other way that i am freaking out. i am nervous. see, i am a bit of a dork. i like to call it "quirky". i snort when i laugh. i don't have much of a filter so things come out of my mouth that seemed normal in my brain, but when cut loose in the real world they are just plain weird. so, me and my quirkiness are going to meet these women who i already adore therefore i might make a total arse of myself.

i am excited for the input, the connections, the conversations, and the encouragement. i am excited for the whole thing and yet, i am still freaking out. i don't know how many conferences i have been to over the years that i have been involved with cru, but it might be close to 100. some of our staff have referred to us as campus crusade for conferences. but i have never been to a conference like this before. the world of orphan care and adoption has really only entered my central vision in the past several years. so i feel a bit like a newbie. i feel like a freshmen going to

one of our conferences for the first time.

i feel:

-unsure what to expect (except that i expect god to show up!)

-insecure (are my clothes too casual? too dressy? why didn't i color my grays before i left?)

-unsettled (what does god want to show me? what if people find out how self-absorbed i really am?)

-but mostly i feel excited for this opportunity. god will help me to sort through all the rest of my adolescent emotions. c4c, here i come!!!

and she danced.

"o man, learn how to dance,

or the angels will not know what to do with you."

st. augustine

emmie had a recital last weekend. and she danced...

the performance was great, but no one enjoyed it more that our littlest ballerina. she turned around to smile at me with delight so often that i was afraid she was going to miss too much of the performance. she was especially proud of her big sissie...

her big sissie who i overheard earlier in the day answer the question "who is your best friend?" by saying, "definitely my little sister." be still my beating heart.

as i was snapping photos of the girls backstage, em was exasperated by my picture-taking and the hovering that accompanied it. thus, this photo...

all i can say is "like mother, like daughter"...

my fav hollywood couple

this is definitely kathryn heigl's best movie...

the manager and the make up

at the dinner table the other night, jack said "guess what my job is in my class."

we couldn't guess. even with the hint that it began with the letter m. and we were a little surprised when he said his job was manager. "what does that mean?" we asked.

"well, it basically means that i am second in command."

"really?! what does your teacher think that it means?"

"oh, i have absolutely no idea.

for all you office fans out there, my kid is dwight (the assistant to the regional manager). poor guy came home a few days later a little disappointed that his responsibilities as "second in command" include picking up all the games after indoor recess. what can i say? he's a servant leader that jack.

this morning while i was searching for birthday invitations on etsy, lulu disappeared. this is rarely a good thing. i found her up in my bathroom and asked "what are you doing?"

her answer was thus, "i just putting on some make up. it's fine. just go away and go play your 'puter." then she added a few seconds later "sorry i said go away. i just want you to go. sorry. just don't freak out."

i didn't freak out (this time). i laughed. and i was reminded that i love my life and the people i live it with.

______ ________ is coming to town

it's not santa claus. think bigger. santa may bring gifts to good boys and girls, but this guy writes the songs that make the whole world sing.

barry manilow is coming to town. BARRY MANILOW IS COMING TO TOWN! after years of scheming of how i could get myself to vegas to see him, he is coming to ME. yes, i know his songs are as sappy as syrup. and i am aware that the man is 'durn near 100 years old. but this is barry manilow we are talking about. he is legend.

it's not just that i sang his songs as a little girl. barry (yes, we are on a first name basis) has a special place in our family. when we were first married and i moved away from everything i knew to a dumpy little apartment, i found an old barry manilow cd at the local library. once a week on my day off, bill would come home not knowing if he would find me curled up in the fetal position or belting out a barry song with gusto. 'cause you can go either way with barry's songs, ya know?

bill took me to a concert in indianopolis in the late 90's. barry hadn't had a hit in many years, but no matter. the place was packed with wrinkly groupies. even gray haired men had t-shirts with barry's face on them. okay, it was a little weird. but i loved every minute of it. in the middle of the concert when bill was singing his heart out to copa cabana i pointed my finger at him and said "you better not be mocking this!". he assured me that he was truly feelin' it and i fell in love all over again (with bill, that is, not barry).

someday when emma and bill have their dance on her wedding day, i have no doubt it will be to "i can't smile without you" by, you guessed it, barry manilow. he has been singing that to her since she was a little baby. they have shared many a dance 'round the kitchen floor to that song...

so "barry mellow", as emma used to call him, coming to town is something worth jumping about...

jump, shout, boogie to be exact.

at 41, i just might be growing up

i am a middle-aged woman. i hate that sentence, but it is true. and i think it's about time i grew up. this trek into maturity was commenced on christmas day by hosting the festivities for the first time. i'm the baby of my extended family, remember. i am not used to a lot of work. in the past my responsibilities consisted of the creamy corn in the crock pot. and even with just that, one of my sisters usually had to remind me to stir it. but this baby hosted a grown up celebration. she even knows how to make prime rib (it's super easy, btw).

in assuming our new grown up hosting responsibilities, bill and i took a page out of the family history book and donned my parent's traditional holiday clothes. bill wore one of my dad's leisure suits and i wore one of my mom's "house dresses" circa late 70's, early 80's...

my kids were not impressed, but this was a special shout out to christmas past for me. the house dress was less than flattering, but my man rocked the leisure suit. let's just say the prime rib wasn't the only thing that was yummy on christmas!

since i haven't posted yet about my grown-up christmas, i will give you a quick tour in pictures...

but christmas is behind us now and 2012 is here. and i still have some growing up to do. which is why i have been trying to focus on some fundamentals in this new year. basics that have previously felt boring to me or too much work or just too easy to overlook. but i will now think of them as FUNdaMENTALS. my definition being "basic necessities in life that i can choose to make fun and that i need to keep me (or my loved ones) from going mental."

things like:

1) jesus. first. always. period.

2) getting good sleep

3) keeping to our budget

4) eating healthier

5) having meal plans (how can dinner sneak up on me when it happens every night??!!)

6) working out 4x a week

no word for the year this time. no flowery, fun, exciting resolutions. just the fundamentals for this girl to become more of a woman in 2012.

now if this grown up would just get her christmas cards done! i'm seeking the basics, remember, not perfection.

way behind. but what else is new?

i know this time of year i'm supposed to be posting about organizing tips (from me? yeah, right) or low-fat recipes, but can we just talk about christmas eve for a minute?

speaking of low-fat recipes, our christmas eve breakfast was anything but. i made eggs benedict (like my daddy used to on christmas) and my mommy's french toast. i had great help...

about my mommy's french toast. they are really just glorified donuts. sorry, no low-fat recipes on this blog, check this out...

gunga's french toast

melt crisco in frying pan

cut slices of white bread in half diagonally

mix aunt jemima pancake mix with milk until smooth but thick

(not as thin as pancake mix)

dredge bread in aunt jemima

cook in the crisco

top with powdered sugar then squeeze fresh lemon over the top to make glaze

yum...

i am learning that "making things special" can be an idol in my life. breakfast was fun and meaningful, but as the day went on christmas eve felt just like any other day. and then i had a teeny little breakdown. when our family finally got around to our tradition of "family christmas", i was in a better emotional state. we read and discussed the christmas story...

and i was reminded that it's because jesus came that i have hope. not because any day has special food or special activities. and it also helped to have our annual "family christmas"...

it was much tamer than usual, but did involve gifts from siblings. as a result, there was a whole lot of hugging going on...

they're my kids, what can i say? they like gifts.

after church, we tried something new suitable for a small group. fondue...

with the exception of crab legs, i am not often a fan of "high maintenance foods". but it was fun for the kids to cook their own meat. the cheese fondue wasn't their favorite (weird), but not surprisingly the chocolate fountain was a big hit...

later after their cousins arrived: STOP, JAMMIE TIME (please tell me someone, anyone got my lame mc hammer joke)...

some of the kids were really excited about matching footie pajamas...

some, but not all...

oh firstborn child, you are a VERY good sport...

happiness is footie pajamas...

momma got a lesson on happiness this christmas eve. i found out that even if it felt at times like just another day, i learned that "just another day" is pretty special in and of itself...

(speaking of special, please note my super special move

of holding the dog down with my leg. i've got skills, i tell ya.)