i miss my daddy

It's a sad day. My Daddy died six years ago today.

On this day I want to remember him. And remember how blessed I was to have him as my father. He was a General in the Air Force. He was Vice President of a major corporation. He served on many boards in many leadership positions. But the title he loved the most was Daddy.

When I was a little girl my Dad would come home from work and many nights as he would read the paper, I played beauty parlor. Not with my dolls, but with him. I put his hair in curlers. I painted his nails. This man was made to have four daughters. He cuddled me at night and made me breakfast in bed in the morning. Well in high school it was 'breakfast in the bathroom' in order to lure me out of bed. Okay, so it's possible that I was a little bit spoiled. If a man is going to have a flaw, this isn't a bad one to have. This coming from one of his spoilees, of course.

I struggle with a lot of doubts in my walk with God, but I don't think I have ever doubted the love God has for me as a Father because I saw it lived out in this man. The foundation he (along with my mother) gave me is something I will always be grateful for. I saw Jesus in him. The way he loved people. The way he served others. The way he honored people. The humility in which he lived his life. Ask anyone who knew him, my Dad was the real deal.

Not everyone gets to say goodbye to the ones we love. But we did. I'm thankful for the 10 days my family had to be with him as he was dying. I'm also thankful for the 7 years that preceded that when we struggled with the reality of his Alzheimer's. They call Alzheimer's "the long goodbye" and that is true. Bit by bit, he had to let go of abilities he had once had. To drive, to remember names, to read, to write, to remember loved ones, to walk, and finally to swallow. Through it all he was so courageous. His acceptance of what God had allowed in his life, helped us to accept it too. It gave us all an example of trusting God in good times and bad. Slowly and painfully over the years, we said goodbye to my Daddy.

It was hard to watch him deteriorate. I remember sitting with him for two hours as he struggled to write the simple message "I love you" to my Mom on a card for Christmas. I remember helping him get dressed and bathe. And I remember the time I realized that he didn't know who I was. He thought I was a nice woman, but a guest in their home. But what stays with me from those painful memories most of all was the incredible privilege it was to serve that man who had loved me so well all those years. I will always love my Daddy. I just miss having the opportunity to show it to him.

I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he called me, and all my sisters, "sis". I miss dancing to Glenn Miller songs with him. I miss how he would watch "Murder She Wrote" episodes as if they were Oscar winning movies. I miss how he would walk his beloved dog and carry him most of the way because he worried the pavement might hurt his paws. I miss the way he would turn his lips to the side to get a little side kiss from my Mom. I miss watching them grow in love and grow old together. I just plain miss him.
And I miss SO much my kids getting to know him. He would sing them to sleep (with his terrible voice that was beautiful to me) the same songs he sang to me. He would tell them Chocolate Covered Candy Cane stories and Chippie the Chipmunk stories. He would take them to his lake house. And he would love them with the love of Jesus because that's just who he was.

He taught me about Jesus. He showed me Jesus. He walked through adversity with Jesus. He faced death with Jesus. And now he lives with Jesus. Thank you, Daddy. To the one I was so blessed to have on this earth and the One who gave him to me. The One who will always be my Abba Father, Daddy.

I love you.