The Back Story...

This blog started out as a way to journal our process of adoption. But I haven't really explained out how we ended up on the path toward this incredible adventure. Until now.

It all began one quiet afternoon almost six years ago. I was driving in the car alone and heard a vision spot on Family Life today about international adoption. Being a naturally empathetic person, I was moved. But there was something more stirring in my spirit. I had a sense that somehow this was something for our family. I asked my husband later that night if he had ever considered adoption for us. Being the man of many words that he is, his answer was simply "no". After that short conversation, life went back to normal.

Every so often the idea would come back to me, each time with more and more fervency. It would come up in conversation with Bill, but never anything of consequence. Until July of 2006. Something had changed in Bill's heart and we both had the sense that God was calling us to start looking into adoption. We were thinking China. I was elated! Before we even got started exploring different agencies, we found out (surprise!) that we were unexpectedly pregnant. Though we were confused, we were excited. I loved being pregnant and I knew I would love our "Baby Cali". Then just one month after that, we found out that we had lost our baby. We were hurting and, yet again, confused. Each time we thought we knew how God was leading us, we found out there was something else He had in mind. During our grieving and confusion, we just put the thought of adoption on the back burner. And there was plenty in life to keep us occupied.

But we continued to be confronted with the idea of adoption in various forms. Honestly, I tried to escape it. I would ask myself how it could make sense given our lively family and lifestyle in full-time ministry. Yet through times in His Word, impressions from prayer, the counsel of others and lots of conversations as a family we came to the inescapable belief about a year ago that this is the path we are supposed to walk down. I don't think it is for everyone. But I love that it is for us!

We are captured to our core by the idea of being able to live out what is spiritually true of us. We have been adopted by God and now belong to Him. That our lives can, in a small way, reflect the heart of God and how He relates to us is thrilling. And intimidating. In fact, there are moments that I'm scared out of my mind. Financial issues. Racial/ethnic issues. Bonding issues. There are so many unknowns. And then there are the deeper fears about my own limitations, inadequacies and sin. I already feel stretched as a mom and pretty cranky a lot of times. But, I cling to 2 Corinthians 9:8 that God is able to make all grace abound to me. Even me. If God is calling us to this, then it is about HIM, not us.

We had Psalm 67 read in our wedding. Since we got married, it has been our consistent prayer for our family. "May God be gracious to us and bless us, and make His face shine upon us; that Your ways may be know on earth, Your salvation among all nations." We believe international adoption is one way that God may be answering this hearts cry of ours to be a blessing to the nations. Ethiopia is part of us now and always will be.

You may ask "Why Ethiopia?". And I will answer. But, alas, this post is already long enough.

I will leave you with the thought that is weighing heavy on my heart. Somewhere in Ethiopia, a mother carries a child. A child she will not be able to raise. A child who will call me "Mommy". This is what moves me to pray tonight. And to tears.