Halloween 101

Everyone does it differently, but I myself have a few rules concerning this season of the year that seem to order my fall universe, so to speak. They are as follows:

1) It is ideal to take ones children to a charming pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins. If this is not feasible, then take them to an affordable one (i.e. FREE) that is not scenic and don't let them buy anything. Instead let them pick out pumpkins from bins in front of Wal-Mart at 2 for $6. Be sure to take their pictures at the pumpkin patch, making it look as scenic as possible, because pictures in the Wal-mart parking lot are never aesthetically pleasing.

2) When passing out Halloween candy it is preferable to have two different bowls of candy, one with "good" candy and one with "bad" candy. The "good" candy is reserved for cute little trick or treaters while the "bad" candy is for anyone who is 15, dressed in normal clothes, and carrying a king sized pillow case. Also for anyone with a costume that bleeds. I define "good" candy as anything involving chocolate and "bad" candy can be something like nasty cheap bubble gum or leftovers from last year.

3) Mommy is a nicer mommy when she has at least one Pumpkin Spice latte or Frap per week. This number would be much higher if paying $4.17 a pop didn't sting so bad. The good news is that they are now making a Pumpkin Spice creamer at the grocery store. That'll work.

4) If you, like me, really love the look of candles illuminating pumpkins and the idea of carving pumpkins as a family, but you are opposed to slimy pumpkin guts and the possibility of one of your children impaling themselves, there are other festive options. I convinced my children that making our own caramel apples (using a "fancy"store bought kit) would be every bit the adventure of pumpkin carving. Nevermind that my oldest doesn't even like caramel and my youngest thought it was some sort of trick that I then told him an apple was his dessert. But popsicles sticks are not sharp, so I felt much better about the whole thing. One of these days I really am going to move past my fears...there is always next year.

5) If you really wanted to dress up for Halloween as Sarah Palin (or at least as Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin), but were too tired, don't worry. Just put on your costume the next day and put a picture up on your blog. It will make you feel better even if you only stayed in costume for 5 minutes and you got mad at your husband because you didn't like the way he was taking the picture. Sorry babe.

6) If your kids came home with heavy bags of loot but there was not ONE Almond Joy in the bunch and you forgot to wake up early the day after to go out and buy multiple bags of Almond Joy's at 50% off, don't despair. They are totally worth paying full price for.

7) Whenever possible spend $4.99 total on your children's costumes. If you can't even sew on a button, try hand-me-downs, marginal creativity, and low expectations...

The Football Player, "T-Diddy", and the Astronaut

The Astronaut made it to 4 houses before he needed a wardrobe change due to an "annoying" space helmet. My sisters explanation that Astronauts need those to stay alive didn't cut it. So after the wardrobe change, Shadow Ranger appeared...

Maybe we should have done a potty break at the same time?