It's Christmas...

OH JOY!!

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of the shadow of death

a light has dawned.

Isaiah 9:2

Couldn't be a better cause for celebration.

Merry Christmas!

redefining last minute

i heard someone say over the weekend they were doing some "last minute shopping" which made me realize that "last minute" is a relative phrase.

here are some of my last minute definitions...

last minute christmas shopping: shopping which is done on christmas eve.

last minute wrapping: wrapping the gift seconds before it is opened.

last minute christmas preparations: staying up until 4am on christmas eve.

i hope to be "way ahead of the game" and do none of the above this year.

we shall see.

regardless of my state of preparedness,

i am praying that every minute we will be experiencing the presence of christ.

for me and mine.

and for you and yours too!

i hate that line

hate is a strong word. despite that i am given to exaggeration, i try not to use it very often. so i should say i strongly dislike when strangers try to motivate my children to good behavior with the line/not-so veiled threat "Santa is watching!". this happened twice recently when lulu was unhappy in a store and thus behaving less than desirably. the well-meaning checkers tried to help with the santa line not knowing that if my children grew up being motivated to good behavior because they want presents from an all-knowing portly old man, i would scream. i do not mean this as judgement on anyone else who uses that little tool for help with children, it's just not for me. one reason there is no judgement with me, is that most people know that my children are definitely not the models for good behavior. so maybe i should employ the "santa is watching" trick after all!

now don't get me wrong, i'm not down on santa. we just don't really encourage belief or disbelief. we're santa agnostics, i guess. though this approach did backfire a bit with tate. he learned all that he knew about santa on the street and suddenly we were no longer the experts on the man he called "the santa claw" (sounds like a perfect christmas horror flick doesn't it?). but i don't hate santa. i just hate using him as motivational tool. motives are tricky enough in life without confusing the issue, in my opinion and experience.

so we just happily walk through christmas time without making a big deal of the big guy. until someone else brings him up, like the checkers at walmart. the second well-meaning checker mentioned above referenced the elf on the shelf. gunga had an elf on the shelf. she thought he was adorable. i thought he was a wee bit creepy. given my personality, it might be surprising to know that of the elf, i am am not a fan. this is due to the whole aversion-to-santa-behavior-modification thing. but i was a fan of this clever (and only slightly caustic) post about elf on the shelf mommy antics. again, no judgement. if you are the gung-ho elf on the shelf kind of person, more power to you. it sounds like great fun and memory-making.

we all do it differently. the fun. the memory-making. the disciplining. the motivating. i'm okay with that. i just don't prefer anyone else to use their thoughts on santa to motivate my little ones. i don't mean to sound "holier than thou" in my parenting. believe me, i feel far from holy as a mother. i have my own tricks i resort to. i am sure other parents would not approve of my unabashed bribing with candy to get lulu to go from diva...

to darling for pictures in front of the christmas tree....

whatever works for you, right?

i'm dreaming of...

a white christmas.

all our snow has melted, but i hope it will be doing this again...

by the 25th.

i am sure if you live in a warmer winter climate, you still have a great christmas. it's just that a warm christmas instead of a white one seems weird to this nebraskan.

but if and when our temperatures drop and i'm freezing my booty off,

i bet i'll be dreaming of a warm christmas after all!

My Christmas wish list

1) I have wanted these slippers from Anthropologie for months...

But there are two problems. First, $68 for a pair of slippers? That would chap Bill's hide. Second, don't you hate when you see this little message We're sorry. This product is no longer available. I guess the second problem actually took care of the first.

2) My blender stinks. My kids love smoothies. I have no food processor. So I wondered about one of these...

Your thoughts? (Don't even feel like you need to mention a Vita-Mix. It's not a-happenin'.)

3) I can be quite assured that I will not be getting these for Christmas...

But I do fancy them.

4) This is so not in the Christmas gift category, but I have long had a love affair with this...

I can just see myself cuddling with my hub or reading a book with one of the kids. It calls to me. And do you know what it says "Keep dreaming, Miss."

5) But one thing is not a dream, I know for sure that I am going here in January...

for the Created for Care conference with my dear friend Christine. I told Bill when we signed up that it could be my Christmas gift. So the above this isn't really a list at all. This is my real Christmas wish list...

1) More patience (courtesy of the Holy Spirit).

2) Peace (also found in that Holy Spirit aisle)

3) Jiggle-less thighs (available at my YMCA. Availability subject to effort)

4) Exchanging a harsh word that stirs up anger for a gentle answer that turns away wrath (from Proverbs 15:1.)

5) More lonely set in families. More hungry fed. More hurting hearts healed. (Job openings. No application needed. Start immediately.)

6) Grace for each day as it can sometimes feel that I am limping along spiritually or emotionally (and even physically if I am going to aforementioned YMCA). So glad that this wish will never be met with a We're sorry. This product is no longer available. Thanks to Jesus. Thanks to Christmas.

Jesus in my pocket

I have a confession. I'm kind of mad at Christmas. Before you get all cranky with me, let me break down my bah-humbug.

First, there was something about Christmas every year as an adult that was such a precious moment. It was walking through the front door of my parents' home. Their home was always beautifully decorated, smelled divine, and had Christmas music floating through the air. But those are not the things that I miss most. I miss the joy of coming home. Being greeted by my parents with open arms and pure love. I no longer have that experience. Though Christmas is more than that, it is loss for me.

Second, only two of the four sisters' families will be gathered for Christmas. In years past it has been three or four of us gathered together. For my kids, for whom "cousins" is the greatest word in the English language, it will be a decidedly smaller gathering this year. And another little loss.

Third, and probably the most disappointing: it's not that I don't like Christmas, it's that I don't like the way I do christmas. The busy. The fretting. The intent to focus on Jesus without the follow through. Too many things I want. Too much money spent. It's like it has become an opportunity to get and give things, rather than an opportunity to worship. And that makes me really sad.

I read this post from Ann Voskamp, and my heart cried out "YES!!!!!" while simultaneously crying out "NO!!!!!" How can I teach my children to celebrate the Giver, not the gifts, when I am honestly not sure that their mother does?

As usual, there is a bit of a war going on inside of me. I am trying to get into the spirit. The real Christmas spirit. We decorated our home for Christmas...

being sure to pull out the nativity last and set it up together.

I have prayed over the names on my gift-giving list while shopping for them, hoping that my focus will be on their hearts instead of their present.

We have tried to beef up our Advent activities at dinner but with only minimal success.

I just keep needing to remind myself that life is not about making memories but about making disciples. Though I am called to do that with my children, I need to do that with myself first. I stumbled across a real-life example the other day that may be a breakthrough in a worshipful Christmas season for me this year. While walking out the front door, I stumbled upon this...

Yes, that's baby Jesus out in the snow. We were playing a game of "Hide the Santa" (kind of like The Elf on the Shelf). Only, in true Kollar form, we couldn't find the Santa from last year. So I suggested we hide baby Jesus. I intended for us to talk about ways we "hide" Jesus in our lives, but (also true to form) I forgot. One of my sneaky kids must have hidden him outside, so proud that no one would find him there. And no one did. Until days later when I was headed out for busyness and BAM! There He was. Outside of our home and Christmas celebration. Not at all where I want the real Jesus to be.

And so I put him in my pocket. All day long, I would reach in for my gloves and I would feel him, which would cause me to feel HIM. Jesus in my pocket reminded me of Jesus in my life. Jesus in my gift-giving. Jesus in my grieving. Jesus in my everything. Because Jesus is my everything.

Jesus is not meant to be kept in a pocket. He ever be contained like that. He's actually not meant to be a little plastic toy either. But I am hopeful that this experience will help me to experience the real Jesus really this Christmas. The King of kings and the Lord of lords. My King and my Lord. And that's the merriest part of any Christmas.

i missed her birthday

not in real life, just in bloggy land. but i am sad nonetheless. i don't want to miss an opportunity to celebrate this sweet girl in any universe...

dear em,

though everyone says we look alike, you are your own person...

your own delightful, little person.

you have been known to put lip gloss on before bed...

you definitely know what you like...

and know how to have fun...

i pray you know jesus more and more each day...

not just as our daughter, but as HIS, you are a real live princess in our book...

happy birthday, princess. you make me smile...