The Champ

It's been a full weekend, but before I can post about it I need to finish our Journey to Lulu. And before I finish our Journey to Lulu with our joyful reunion as a family, there's a stop we need to make along the way.

We took an 11 year old boy to the other side of the world. A firstborn, no less. A young man who likes to know what to expect. Who isn't too hip on change. And who isn't the most adventurous soul you'll ever meet. In short, we took a risk in choosing to take Tate. But he was insistent not only that he wanted to go, but that he needed to be on that trip.
And he was right. Tate was supposed to be with us in Ethiopia. His eyes and his heart were opened wide, not just to his baby sister but to the country of her birth and it's people.

Tate hung in there for the 20+ hours of traveling...
He dealt with jet lag. He ate less than desirable meals. He had to be flexible. He handled disappointment well time and time again.. He was in good spirits even when the circumstances might dictate otherwise. Through it all, he was helpful, insightful and most of all, delightful.

He was a photographer, a diaper bag carrier, a bottle maker, and an errand boy. And he did all these things with rarely a complaint or sigh.

He loved on his sister as much as we would let him like this...

and this...

and this...
In fact, the first night she was with us he got up several times in the night and walked over to our bed just to look at her while she was sleeping. As much as he loved Rediet, there was room in his heart for others as well.

He played for hours with children in the orphanage, getting schooled in soccer...
He loved those kids. He told me that he wished we could adopt all of them. That's the kind of response I had hoped would be stirred up in his tender heart.

He opened his heart to people he met as we walked along the streets...
Most notably, the 11 year old friend he made who likes walking with families from the hotel to the orphanage and back. They were so cute together...
Despite living worlds apart, they connected as they walked along the road...
While we were there, Tate was exposed to chicken pox. Though he had the vaccination, he did come down with a mild case. Despite it being mild, he still had to stay in and away from people for 10 days. These 10 days turned out basically to be the rest of the summer for him. What a bummer! I asked him if it was worth it to go to Ethiopia even with the extreme jet lag and chicken pox. He answer was a resounding "Yes!" He wouldn't trade it for the world.

He trusted God with his fears and saw God come through for him. In our adoption story, as in every story, God is the Hero. But Tate was the champ. I couldn't have been more proud.

Caged Monkeys

After you have your adopted child with you in Ethiopia, you aren't supposed to be out in public too much. There have been some PR issues with adopting families in the past. Though most everyone we saw was supportive and kind, I'm sure that continually seeing adoptive families could be a painful reminder to the people of Ethiopia of the dire situation their country is in. One thing about Ethiopians is that they love their babies. This country would take care of their own children if they could. But so many of them can't.

So this meant that we spent A LOT of time at our hotel. I didn't mind so much about the lack of scenery because I thought we had the most scenic view at hand. And by that I mean the up close view of Luci May Rediet...
There was also a great view from our hotel of the mountains surrounding Addis, though the sky was rarely clear enough to see them...
Please notice the two cows grazing in the grass next to our hotel right in the middle of the city...
You don't see that everyday in the States.

We felt a bit like caged monkeys "locked up" as we were. We passed time hanging out at the hotel with our travel group. Each family was such a delight. We are all different and yet have this bond of Ethiopian adoption weaving our lives together. We laughed together. We cried together. We got to share in each others miracle. Here I am with Christine as we hold our babies...
Luci and Halina will be roommates someday at the University of Nebraska, definitely not the University of Oklahoma. Carl and Christine, you are stuck with us for life...and GO BIG RED!

We spent as much time as we could at the orphanage, Hannah's Hope...
It is an amazing place. I wish I could post the pictures of the children there, but I can't. Suffice it to say, they were precious children and we wanted to spend every minute we could with them. There is a warmth and joy at Hannah's Hope that is far more infectious than chicken pox.

On the way to and from the orphanage, we would interact with the people in the street. I fell in love with this little girl I met in front of the hotel...
It's amazing that you can have a connection with someone even though you can't really speak a word to each other.

Aaron and Erin took deflated soccer balls and an air pump and passed them out to the kids...
Needless to say, they were pretty popular. Kids would come running in a little pack when they would see them coming.

And finally, it was time for the caged monkeys to be freed to go back to their natural habitats. Though we were so excited to go home to our family, it was also hard to leave Ethiopia. That is our Lulu's "natural habitat". All the sights, sounds, and smells would be different for her. She would leave everything she has ever known. But in becoming family with us, God has given her a new natural habitat. And has given us a new love in our hearts for her birth country. We were leaving Ethiopia, but Ethiopia will not leave us. In fact, we took a little bit of it home with us to keep forever. That "little bit" is named Luci May Rediet Kollar...

The Longest Night and the Longest Day

We had our longest night in three weeks thanks to Miss Luci sleeping from 9pm all the way until 6:30am. Can I get a "Woot! Woot!" anyone? Now, I am not naive enough to assume this will be a regular thing from here on out. Actually I am every bit that naive, I just didn't want to admit that to everyone on my blog. Here's to another 9 hour stretch tonight! Mr. Night Shift will appreciate it most of all.

The longest night was preceded by the last day of summer. It was our busiest day since Luci has been home. After some back to school shopping with Grandma, we hit the pool. I learned a little secret this year: the last day the public pools are open, they close the books at 2pm. Which means if you go after 2pm, you get in free. Free is my favorite! You also get lifeguards who are only flirting with each other and not remotely watching the children, but you get what you pay for right? Jack opted to stay at his friend Josh's house, so it was just Tate, Emmie and Luci. Lulu had her first experience as a bathing beauty...
In my typical "faking a special moment" style, I said something like "Put your arms around each other!". The politely tortured look on Tate's face absolutely cracks me up...

Goodbye summer.

The longest night was followed by the longest day. The first day of school. The minutes tick by as I watch the clock. I love the excitement of the first day, but the day is long as I wait to see my kids again. This year went faster, though since I had my little Lulu here with me.

Today my big boy started middle school...
He has a locker. He has a class schedule. And he's taking Home Ec! How cool is that? Sadly for the lazy Momma, he has to be at school an hour earlier. This is going to hurt. It was sweet to see how concerned Emmie was for him as he started his big day...

At what point will I grow out of dressing them alike?
I achieved the goal I had for myself which was to not embarrass my son. Now I only need to make it about 200 more days and we'll be good. Those of you who know me, can take bets as to how many more days I'll be able to make it.

As for Em, I know the question you are dying to ask...
And the answer is "No, she does not attend a parochial school." And she is not imitating Britney Spears "Baby One More Time video" either. She just dressed like a school girl the way every other girl in the school did. I'm lovin' that plaid is back! She and Jack still go to school together for which I am thankful...
Clearly, the reflector stripe works on Jack's backpack since it kept blinding me every time I tried to take a picture.

And the newest big brother is off to 1st grade...
Though he was nowhere near nervous, when I asked him to give me a smile as he walked into the school, this is what I got...
Oh, how I'm going to miss these guys!

As for Luci, even though it was the big kid's day, she was not lacking in attention...
She fell asleep in the car seat so we left her in it thinking that she would sleep through the opening ceremony. Do we not know this baby at all? There were people around...of course she wouldn't be sleeping.

It's going to be really different around here during the days. I will appreciate the bonding time Lulu and I will have together, but I do like having all four of my kids together...
Even if I act like a cranky, frazzled Mom sometimes.

I'll miss them a lot and they'll miss me a bit. Of course, there is someone who they are really going to miss this year...

If you're like me, you're gonna need a Kleenex

On Thursday we had an unexpected visit to another orphanage in town. An orphanage that doesn't have the same resources as Hannah's Hope. I knew this would be a sobering trip, but I had no idea what I was in for. The children greeted us with smiles and waves. I can't post any pictures of them, but these precious faces are etched in my mind.

As we toured the place, I noticed the drying laundry hanging literally everywhere...
And then I learned that they have no washing machine. They do every bit of laundry by hand. Our agency is partnering with this orphanage and trying to get a washing machine for them. I don't know about you, but that is an effort that I would love to be a part of!

We walked through several different rooms and then the director said "Now I will take you into our Special Needs Room". I was unprepared for what I would see and feel when I walked into that room. Four children lay motionless in beds staring off into the distance. All in the room were paralyzed. Some were blind. Some had mental disabilities. None will probably be adopted. They may never even leave the orphanage at all. Two workers stood in the room ready to care for their every need. The director pointed our attention to a sign hanging above them on the wall in Amharic...
It reads, "With God all things are possible." He said "We are praying for God to heal these children and help us to care for them." And that was my breaking point. At that moment I may have caught a small glimpse of the heart of God. The God of whom it is written in Psalm 10:14, "The helpless put their trust in You. You defend the orphans." I had to leave the room due to the sobs welling up inside of me. After I collected myself I was drawn back into the room by this sign...
I had to look at those children again. I had to thank the workers standing at their sides. And now I have to find a way to live my life so that moment is close to me always. I should be different because I stood in that room. I should make a difference because I stood in that room.

It's time for a flashback. Back in January, we were in church singing "Mighty to Save". The last part of the first verse is "Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior, Hope of Nations. As I sang the word "nations", immediately my thoughts went to Ethiopia and orphans. Then came the chorus: “Savior, He can move the mountains My God is mighty to save, mighty to save…” I have considered this song before as it might relate to adoption that God is mighty to save the orphan.

But what God impressed on me so clearly in that moment is the one He is mighty to save through our adoption is ME. He will save me from my own self-absorbed life and open my eyes to a world of needs. He will care for me so I can care for our child(ren). He wants to show me Himself through this adventure. He will use my daughter in unimaginable ways in my life. I’m the one in need of rescue. I think there are many people who are drawn into the world of adoption because they are natural advocates and care for the world outside of themselves. Adoption is a by-product of that reality in their lives. I’m not in that category. I am self-absorbed and shallow much of the time. Adoption is the door my family has entered through to see more fully the heart of God. It is only a first step, albeit a huge one, toward changed lives. Not just Rediet's. Not just ours. But hopefully, somehow, others.

Back to my uncontrollable sobs in the orphanage. I was scared to be changed in Ethiopia. I know God called us to adopt. But I kind of wanted to get there, take my baby and run back to my safe little suburban world. I made it all the way until our last day there until God broke me. But standing in that room, I was undone. Broken for the orphans of Ethiopia. Broken for the orphans of the world. Broken for the ones who can't even see the signs of hope posted above their beds.

As we drove away from the orphanage, I had another experience that will always be with me. Whenever our van was stopped in traffic, we would be approached at every window by children and women begging for food or money. At one point a teenage girl approached asking for food. I had just given away my last peanut bar. She then moved to Bill's window. I prepared myself to have to say "no" to her again. But she had something different in mind. You see, Bill was holding Rediet and she was crying pretty hard. This sweet Ethiopian girl came to Bill's window to sing lullabies to her in Amharic. I was so moved by her selfless display of love.

I didn't want Ethiopia to change me. But God did. And I hope I will never be the same.

They had prepared us...

for a difficult moment while we were in Ethiopia. The social worker with our agency said that there is almost always a time, while you are still in the country, when your child will focus in on your face then all of a sudden break out in inconsolable tears. It is like she has the realization, "This is it. I am really stuck with these people."

Well, it happened. On our second day with her, it was obvious that our sweet Rediet looked into my eyes and was filled with sadness. She immediately started to bawl, a scared cry unlike any we had heard from her before. Bill, who she always has a smile for, came over to her and she fixed her eyes on him and broke into the same sad, sad, cry. It was short-lived, but it was obvious what was going on. It hit her, "This is it. I am really stuck with these people." Oh how my heart ached for her loss. It is important for her to grieve. And in her short life, she has had much to grieve.

Indeed, you are stuck with us sweet girl. We are a bit of a crazy bunch. But we will love you with a faithful love throughout your whole life. We are sorry for your losses. But we thank God that from now on, you will face those losses as well as any others to come, with us at your side.

They had also prepared us that, though we had an appointment scheduled to meet her biological Grandmother that day, that she might not show up. I tried to be prepared for that, but in my heart I was just sure she would be there. But she wasn't. We don't know what happened. Almaz never had confirmation that she got the message about the meeting. I was so sad for Rediet. So many questions that can never be answered now.

But God knows the answer to each one of our questions. He knew Rediet when her inmost being was formed in the secret place (Psalm 139:15) and He knew all the days that were formed for her before one of them even came to be (Psalm 139:16). I know it might make things harder for her down the road to not know the circumstances of her birth or her mother's death. But we will trust in the fact that God knows each detail, indeed every curly hair on that precious little head, and He holds her in his loving hands. He held her for the first 5 months of her life before she was with us. The same hands that ordained that she would join our family. And He will hold her all of the days of her life.

Though it was such a loss not to see her Grandmother, she returned home to two Grandmothers anxious awaiting her arrival...
Gunga getting an up-close view...
While we waited hoping her Grandmother would come, we got to observe the two birth family meetings that did happen that day. What a bittersweet experience for these families. The fact that you have this potential to meet the birth families is an incredible part of the adoption program in Ethiopia.

This was the coldest day while we were there. I was pretty self-conscious about keeping Rediet wrapped up since they bundle their babies up quite a bit there. Here's what we did to keep her warm that day...
I wrapped Bill's rain coat around him and zipped it up backwards. If someone in our marriage needs a straight jacket, it's definitely not him. But it did the job!

That night we got to go out for a traditional Ethiopian dinner and dance. The food was amazing. Okay, not all of it was amazing to me. But Shiro was delicious. It's the yellow stuff in the middle...
Bill calls it "Ethiopian Queso". Tate was not impressed. He had been a trooper all week given his "food sensitivities" (his way of saying "picky eater") so I let him just eat a piece of bread. Looking at the above picture, I can see why it wouldn't be desirable to an 11 year old. He did find something he was very excited about at the hotel...
Ethiopia's version of Mac and Cheese. He has no "food sensitivities" to Mac and Cheese in any country!

Speaking of food, look who had rice cereal for the first time...
No "food sensitivities" so far...

Back to Ethiopia

Usually the climax to a story happens in the middle or toward the end. But the climax of our Journey to Lulu happened early on Gotcha Day. The trip continued with the sweet opportunity to get to know our baby as well as the country of her birth.

Following meeting Luci May Rediet for the first time, we went to the American Embassy to file for her visa to bring her back to the States. This was a bit challenging since she was fussy for a good bit of that time. And I was really self-conscious around all the Ethiopians wanting to prove to them that I could be a good mother to this child I was taking from their country. Can I stop being a people-pleaser for just one second in my life, please?

The rest of the afternoon was spent gazing at Rediet. We couldn't get enough of her...
Side note: while we were in Ethiopia we referred to her as her given name Rediet (pronounced "Reh-deet") exclusively. For this reason, I will probably refer to her this way in most of my review of our trip. It was obvious that she recognized her name. It has been quite hard for me to make the transition to Luci May since we've been back. I love the name we chose and it is part of her new identity as a Kollar, but I hate that she has lost everything she has ever known including that bit of her identity. And the only thing she still has from her birth mother. Making the transition harder is that I can hear the special mothers say her name in my head with their beautiful Ethiopian accents. It is just another reminder of the grieving and loss of adoption along with the beauty of a new life. She is responding to Luci now and since Rediet is still part of her name, I'm doing better with it.

Hangin' at the hotel the first night...
My suitcase arrived late that afternoon, so I was glad to have fresh bibs and sassy clothes to put her in.

Our full first day together started with a bath. Daddy did the honors...
If you'll look closely, you'll notice she is spitting up in the bath tub. Figures.

Day two was shopping day. Since most agencies have an agreement with the Ethiopian government to not have families out in public, we were asked to leave her at the orphanage. This is no small feat for a family who has just being reunited with their daughter. But since I didn't trust Bill to do the shopping for me and he probably didn't trust me not to spend all our money, we did it. Here we are in the morning having breakfast...
Look what a cooperative shopper she would have been! After a fun day with our friends of shopping and eating Italian food (in Ethiopia??? I recommend the lasagna.) it was time to go back to the Orphanage. It was a sweet reunion...
And that my dear, is the last time you will stay at an orphanage. Unless you want to run one when you grow up.

Back at the Ranch

I'll take a little break from re-living our incredible Journey to Lulu in order to give an update about life at home as a family of six.

We've been home one week now. As far as I can tell, Luci May is adjusting well. She is full of smiles, like this one...
She is very generous with her smiles for just about anyone. The first day we got back my sister said, "Look at how she is looking at you. It's like she knows you are her Mama." Then she said, "Oh wait, she just looked at me that way too." We love this about her, but think it might make it a little harder to figure out if she is bonding to us as her parents.

The older kids are smitten with her as well. They haven't dealt with any jealousy yet. It's like they recognize that Her Loveliness is worthy of our adoration as well as theirs. I was concerned about Jack being "dethroned" as the youngest not just in our family, but in our extended family as well. If you have read this blog much, you have probably picked up on the fact that our little guy enjoys the spotlight that has firmly been his for almost 7 years. But my fears were allayed the other night. As he was going to bed I was asking him how he felt about his baby sister. He said, "Mom, I think she is even cuter than me!" It's like, for Luci, he is voluntarily abdicating his throne to the baby sister.
Emmie has let her maternal instincts kick in. She loves preparing the bottles, carrying the diaper bag, and (best of all) picking out Lulu's outfits each day. She is loving finally having a sister.
It is hard for the kids that, for the sake of attachment, Bill and I need to be the only ones to feed her and console her. But they are enjoying their roles of entertaining her and making her laugh.
Each of the kids have been helpful. Many times I day I can be heard asking one of them to get me a diaper or a burp cloth or a paci. And they have been very willing so far. I anticipate that part could change as the novelty wears off. But I am very appreciative of extra hands around the house. They are all so loving with her. She just fits with us. See how well she fits into Saturday morning TV time?
We are really pleased with their adjustment to this big change in our lives so far. And it really is a big change to have a baby in the house again after 6 years. In many ways I totally feel like a rookie mom. For example, I went to Wal-mart the other day without a diaper bag. I was only picking up a few things or so I thought. We had a delightful time together until I got to the checkout line. She started to fuss. I can tend to fuss in the Walmart lines as well. This was when I realized that a pacifier would have really come in handy at a time like that. I then proceeded to put the cart in the corral, put the baby in the car, leave my purse in the cart and drive away. A fact I didn't realize until I got home. There's just so much to remember now! At least I didn't leave the baby in the cart, right? The good news is that my purse was safely recovered with my whopping $5 still securely in my wallet.

Another change is letting go of the formerly long, quiet nights of sleep we used to have. She really isn't doing too bad since she adjusted to the time change. The other night we put her down at 9:30pm. At 5:26am I awoke to her fussing a bit and Bill giving her the pacifier and trying to soothe her. I kind of reprimanded him saying, "Bill she hasn't eaten since 9pm, she needs a bottle." To which he informed me, "Miss, I was up with her at 2:30am giving her a bottle." Oops, thanks honey. He's really good at the night shift. Tate took a "day shift" during nap time...
And finally, you may be wondering how we are doing with her hair. She has great hair and I'd rather not be the one to mess that up. But there's a pretty big learning curve here. I felt a little silly buying "Pantene for Women of Color" for a 6 month old, but I haven't really had time yet to scour the blogs for the best product. I'm open to your suggestions. I walked in on Bill the other day brushing her hair with a barbie brush. I doubt I will find that suggestion in any blogs. In his defense, it doesn't really look like a barbie brush and happened to be by some other baby items. It actually worked pretty well though. Maybe we will start a new trend. Here she is demonstrating the versatility of this item: barbie brush, baby styling tool, and teething toy...
There is one "family member" who is not adjusting quite as well as the rest of us. She is fine, but feeling a bit insecure. Look at the look in Ruby's eyes...
Poor, pathetic Hairy Beast. Even though a baby has turned our hearts inside out and our lives upside down, we do still love you.