finding my voice

i wish i could sing. when i was in junior high i wanted to sing like amy grant. now i wish i could sing like alicia keys or fergie. or my friend rebecca whose voice is as pure as an angel's. yes it's true that i can do a pretty sweet, though off key, cher impersonation. (though for some reason my church hasn't taken me up on my offer to do a special song, "i got you, lord." go figure!) but i can't really sing.

still, i do have a voice in life. i've been thinking lately about how i am supposed to use it. both in my daily life and on this blog. i use my voice in lots of ways both for good and ill. i praise my god. i communicate my love to my friends and family. i celebrate life with my voice. but around the house i also use my voice in some ways i am not proud of. i have used my voice to shame my kids more times that i would like to admit (sadly, i am still learning the difference between disciplining them and shaming them.) i can tear my husband down with sarcasm or an unnecessary edge in my tone. oftentimes, my voice is harsher than it needs to be with the kids, bill, and even the dogs. case in point, lulu started saying "go away!" and when i asked the kids who they thought set that example for them, they each pointed to one of the others. the very next day, i caught myself as i started to shout "GO AWAY!" to the hairy beast. guess who was the poor example this time?

and way too many other times. in fact, even i as i was writing this i just yelled at emma to stop yelling. proverbs 15:1 is up on my bathroom mirror, "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." up on my mirror, but not lived out enough in my life.

beyond how i say it, i am not always sure what message my voice should speak. in daily life and in bloggy land. i know i want to share (and live out) the gospel. i know i love to use my voice to make people smile, and laugh and cry (the good, healing kind of tears). i know i want to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. but i don't know always know what that is supposed to look like. i am a pretty simple girl, but i don't want to be a shallow girl. and i get all mixed up as i try to figure out what it is supposed to look like for ME to find my voice in this world.

i think i came one "note" closer to understanding my voice this week. i think i have found my mission statement in life (it's a mission statement, not a memo...name that movie) thanks to my friend Rachel. She gave me the cutest little bag that says

"live imperfectly, with great delight"

on the back. and thus a mission statement was born. this is how i want to use my voice. i really have no choice but to live imperfectly. but i want to do it with great delight. great delight in my god. great delight in my family. great delight in each person i come in contact with. great delight in each day. great delight in the world. i want my voice to communicate delight. even delight in the quite imperfect life i am living.

so, that's my voice. now i just need to keep practicing my singing. some days it may resemble a bit more of a croak or moan. and i'm pretty sure it's gonna come out sounding like my crazy cher impersonation, not fergie. but that's okay, 'cause that's just me.

have you found your voice? i'd love to hear your memo mission statement...