That's my name...

and, believe me, they wear it out. Mom (to Tate). Mother (to Em). Mommy ( to Jack). And Momma (to Lulu). All variations on a theme, but all my name. A blessed name, even when it's being whined or said with rolling eyes. I LOVE this name. And I'm thankful I had a day to be reminded of that.

One reminder was thanks to a little tantrum I threw. It was a grown up tantrum, of course, but it was a tantrum nonetheless. It was Saturday and Bill and the kids were headed out in the last couple of hours before we left for Gunga's to get my gift. I had told Emmie what I wanted, but there was some confusion on Bill's part and I ended up advising him about where to go for my gift. For a girl who loves surprises and whose love language is gifts, this was not fun for me. And the fact that they were going out at the last possible minute communicated a lack of value to me. Nevermind the fact that I do everything at the last possible minute. Double standards are an area of strength for me, unfortunately.

So, I was pulling the "Just forget it! I'll just get my own gift." tearful, little dramatics. I should be too embarrassed to admit it, and I am, but it is the way things went down. Bill didn't "just forget it", because after almost 17 years of marriage he knows that I never mean that.

While they were gone, I had time alone to try to figure out what was really going on inside me. I realized that I love to celebrate. I will celebrate just about anything. Mother's Day is a celebration. And yes,along with celebrating my own mother and mother-in-law, I want to be celebrated. But I realized that what I want more than that is to celebrate that I get to be a mother. And to celebrate the 4 little ones who I have the privilege of mothering. This realization changed my perspective on the whole day. It is definitely nice to have a break, but mostly I just wanted to be with the one who I call Mommy and be with the ones who call me Mommy.

So that is what we did. Bill made most of the meal for those of us gathered at Gunga's, which included his mom and my sister's family along with her mother in law. Then he did this...
We talked and laughed and I got to help my Mommy with a few things. I love being able to serve her. Though this role reversal with children helping their aging parents can be painful, it is one of the most healing things to be able to give back a tiny bit to a Mommy who has showered me with so much. I am so blessed to have her as my very own mother and to have her example to look to as I mother...
And one of the highlights, after Jack got a tantrum of his own out of his system, was getting to sit in the back of our mini-van with the kids for the hour ride home. Normally, that wouldn't be my favorite spot in the van, but how sweet it was to be right there with them. Jack fell asleep with his head on my shoulder after talking and laughing and reading.

Yep, I love my name. Whether it's shouted or gently whispered, "Mom" may be one of the sweetest words I know...
The above pictures of Lulu are fun because my uber-talented friend Jenni, surprised me with this outfit for Lulu. She took her favorite shirt of her sons that he had gotten a hole in and turned it into a dress for Lulu. And the first picture is especially sweet because Lulu had just said the word "bible" for the first time.

This morning, I read "I Love You As Much..." to Luci for the first time. Since it has been quite some time since I'd read it I had forgotten the last lines in the book and I could barely choke the words out,

Now sleep, child of mine, while the stars shine above-
I love you as much as a mother can love.

These words hit me harder than ever as I realized the reality that I love this baby with the very same love and intensity that I love the three that I physically gave birth to. She is mine and I am hers. And, I am sure, her birth mother her loved her as much as a mother could love as well. Adoption is such a bittersweet reality. And I am thankful that it has become a part of my reality.

Honestly, as thankful as I am for all of my children, I spend plenty of time as a frazzled, impatient, cranky mom. And yet, the wonder of it all is not lost on me. I am a Mom. I am their Mom. That fact alone is what made it a happy, happy Mother's Day.

(And it didn't hurt that I got two beads for my Pandora charm bracelet. Gifts may be the lamest love language, but I speak it fluently.)