Is my life better than your life?

I love blogging. Writing my own posts is therapy. Reading other people's posts is inspiring and fun. But there is something about blogging that taints the pure joy of the experience at times. That something is ME. My own insecurities. My own need to impress others. My continual habit of comparing myself to others. In the recesses of my heart, I desire to have my blog say "See, I matter. I have a great life. I have cute kids. I am happy. You should admire me. In fact, my life is better than your life!" I fight that monster within, because it is the last thing I want to be true of me and of my blog.

Conversely, as I read other people's blogs, what can sneak into my heart as I am reading is "Their life is better than my life. It is so much more exciting or fun or meaningful. She is skinnier or prettier or more talented or more spiritual than I am. Her home is more beautiful. Her children seem so sweet, and polite, and quiet. I must need to have something more in my life. Or I need to be something more than who I am." I don't want this to be true of me either. I have been given but one life. This one. I don't want to spend it living vicariously through other people's lives. I don't want to waste it wishing I was someone else.

So, that is the back story for my April Fool's Post. Because I am one complicated, conflicted girl. I wanted to have a good April Fool's story because April Fool's is (unfortunately) important to my kids. But, part of me, also wanted to have a good April Fool's story because I wanted to have a good April Fool's post. And why did I want to have a good April Fool's post? Because maybe you would think that I'm a creative person and a fun Mom. But, I don't want to live for what you think of me. Sometimes I am creative. Sometimes I am fun. But a lot of times, I am just a big ol' mess, inside and out.

That's really what this post is about.

April Fool's got off to a crazy start, thanks to Tate. That kid set his alarm for 2am so he could come into our rooms and change our clocks. Bill totally fell for it as he got up at 5am and went in to wake up Tate for the school day. I totally kept sleeping through my alarm, which is probably no surprise. I was pretty proud of Tate's effort though.

I was still desperately seeking a way to punk my kids throughout the day and nothing came to me. But, got an idea to have them join with me in punking our friends, the Hillman's. We got a pizza from the grocery store for dinner. Then we put sauce and cheese on the paper cooking tray and wrapped it back up...
The ultimate low-carb dinner option, I guess. I told Chris that I knew they had had a crazy night and I wanted to bless them with dinner. Up until this point, I was LOVING our little prank. I was proud of myself and excited to pull one over on them. But, when Chris was so grateful and blessed by our "gift", the guilt set in. Still, the die had been cast. We had to ride this one out. He fell for it and didn't realize what was up until he went to put it in the oven.

Yesterday, I was certain they were getting me back when I saw this in our yard...
But it was legit. Somehow this little guy made his way into our yard. This is not a normal experience where we live. We called all the neighbors over to experience the wonder of it all. Ruby was the most perplexed...
We named him Mr. T. The kids begged to keep him as a pet...
We said "no" because we are either really smart or really lame parents. The evening ended with us returning him to a pond so that he could live his life apart from the terror he would experience from being in this crazy family...
The above picture was taken just before Jack got spooked by movement from Mr. T and threw the box down. Never fear, Mr. T was okay.

But I wasn't okay. I was annoyed and frustrated with the kids for running around and yelling. The ironic thing is that when I found Mr. T, I was the one running around and yelling for them to come check it out. But, when their excitement level rose to meet mine, and so did their volume, I got upset. That is completely unfair. I hate it when I get mad at my kids for just being kids. What else are they supposed to be?! I share all this because it was what really happened in the midst of the fun of of the night. The fun was all mixed up with the frustration, just like the fun of blogging is all mixed up with my insecurities. That's just the way life is. My life anyway.

Why all this rambling with what could have just been a silly April Fool's post? I guess it's because I don't want to be the Fool. I have been profoundly blessed. But my life is no better, nor worse, than anyone else's. What makes it different is that it is mine. And I want to live it, instead of merely blogging it.

Am I still going to have this internal struggle most every time I read or write a post? Yep. But maybe it will help a bit to have let you in on it with me. And I hope reminding myself of the struggle will help me to beat it. So that I can be content with who I am and what I have and at the same time "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

Here's to emotionally healthy blogging! :)