If I spontaneously burst into tears, do not be alarmed

It's just the way things have been since learning about Randi's death. Today is especially hard. Her funeral was today and I wasn't there. Tate asked me, "Mom, why would you want to go when it will only make you cry more?" He hasn't learned the value of tears yet. I've needed these tears to process all this. The tears help me to let go of Randi, which I have to do. But they also let me hold onto her. Which I must do.

So, I've been going through old pictures. And I feel if I am going to let you into this loss with me, you need to have an idea of what a true angel we have said goodbye to...

(She is holding her youngest daughter, Cassyn. Her beauty, both inside and out, took my breath away.)

The words that come to mind when I think of Randi are beautiful, delightful, genuine, devoted, joyful, radiant and fun. Everyone knows she has the most beautiful smile and the most contagious laugh. But she also had the most angelic voice. Oh, how I wish I could hear that voice again!

I met Randi through a playgroup I was in when we lived in Indiana. Not just any playgroup, mind you. This was THE BEST PLAYGROUP EVER. The first time I met her was at the park...
Her second, Leighton (aka Leighty Bug), had just recently been born. That was the first of countless hours I spent with Randi and the playgroup girls. The playgroup started out being for the kids, but it really became a group for the Mommies. If any playgroup knew how to party, it was us. There was the Lady Bug party...
And the Dog party...
And the Christmas party...
And the Circus party...

And the Dora Party...

(We are Dora, Boots and Swiper...if you couldn't tell)

And the Army party...

(Randi with her oldest, Taive)

Just to name a few. But, there were also Mom's Nights out, like the Drive-in ( in our jammies, of course)...

The surprise slumber party...
Many meals out and karaoke nights...
And several scavenger hunts that always involved embarrassing ourselves as much as humanly possible...
What Randi brought to the group was selfless love and genuine caring. She had the sweetest spirit and lit up any room. She lit up our lives as well. Randi was the most encouraging person I have ever known. And she was always careful to point out the good in other people. She had an incredible capacity to love. She loved her family, her husband, her children, and above all her heavenly father with a passionate, gracious, UNDYING love.

Within the playgroup, a few of us (at first Randi and Tammy and later Kristin) lived our lives together like family...

(Easter Egg Hunt)

(Christmas Celebration)

One of the best memories, was Tate's 4th birthday party. He had been asking for months to have a dance party with a disco theme (Okay, I added the disco in there, but the dance party was all Tate). We had a DJ (students :)) lined up and lots of plans, but when I went to make the invitations Tate announced he wanted a Bob the Builder Dance Party. What?! But, Tammy came to the rescue and drew me an unbelievable picture of Bob the Builder striking a Saturday Night Fever pose in a leisure suit. And then my sweet friends (Randi and Tammy) showed up all decked out for the occasion...

Though several of us moved away, we were still able to get together...
I wish the above picture was bigger since it is one of my favorite of all time. (I am limited only to pictures that are on Facebook since our scanner is broken or I can't figure it out. Same difference.) It is from when Randi, Tammy, and Kristin all came to visit me the first year we moved here. I was SO lonely and having them step into my world made all the difference...
In the above picture, I am NOT pregnant. It was really windy. We are saying goodbye from our first Getaway. I can't believe we are saying goodbye to you today. It makes me think about how Lulu always waves Bye Bye after people are gone. They don't see her or know, but she is smiling and waving. Randi, I hope you knew how much your sweet spirit changed this world. And my life. I wish the last time we talked hadn't been so brief and wasn't back at Christmas time. I wish we wouldn't have let our conversations drift to become fewer and fewer over the past two years. I feel like Lulu...saying goodbye after you are gone. But you are in my heart forever, sweet Randi. I love you. I always will.