In a fog...

literally and figuratively. We haven't seen sunlight for many days around here. Instead there has been a daily dose of fog and haze. Here's what it has looked like every day for the past week...
(Okay, that's what it looks like in my sister's beautiful back yard. My yard has the same fog, but only a few small and scattered trees.)

It's fitting, really, since I think I've been in a fog since returning from Ethiopia in August. I haven't felt "myself". I feel like our transition has gone smoothly. Lulu is doing well. The older kids are doing well. But, the thing is, I'm not sure I am doing well. Is it possible to have post-post-adoption depression?

I don't know that my "foggy-ness" has that much to do with our adoption. Especially since I view the past 6 months as some of the happiest of my life. But after we returned from Ethiopia, and everything was so new, I remember feeling like a bit of a stranger in my own life. I kind of felt like I was watching my life happening rather than participating in it. The crazy thing is, 6 months later, I still kind of feel that way. I can't quite place my finger on it, but I just don't feel like myself. I'm not motivated for much. I feel a bit isolated from my former life. I don't really miss it. I think I just haven't quite figured it all out. Or figured me out. Good luck with that one!

Tonight I think I took a good step forward, though. I was scheduled to give a talk to our students. I enjoy speaking. But, the problem is that this fog I've been experiencing has also been a spiritual fog. I haven't been experiencing the Lord the way I'm used to over the past few months. I haven't been motivated to pursue Him. I couldn't very well give a talk to them about how they should pursue God if I'm not. So, I gave a talk to myself. They could listen if they wanted to, but I was the one who really needed to hear it. The talk was titled "Help, I'm Stuck!". I know, I know, I'm incredibly creative.

Writing this talk to myself was helpful in my journey. I loved asking God to lead me in His Word and speak to my heart. That process, along with standing before them letting them know of my great need for Jesus, did a little something to lift the fog.

I still don't really know what all has been going on with me. But I guess like I feel like I'm in a better place to find out.

Right now, the forecast here says this...

Fog ending

Low clouds, fog and poor visibility conditions will improve by the overnight hours.

Sounds the same as the forecast in my heart.

Update:
Here's what it looks like in my backyard today...
I guess the forecasters have a different definition of "fog ending" than I do. Oh well, both with the weather outside and the climate of my heart, these things can take time. I'm okay with that.