these little piggies went to...

san diego!

it was a girl's getaway on coronado island, even though at 41 we are not exactly girls anymore. deb and i were belatedly celebrating our 4oth birthdays with such eccentricities such as massages...

poolside fish tacos...

and a huge dog that bore an uncanny resemblance to my flokati rug...

the weekend involved baring one's soul and bearing one another's burdens...

laughing til we just about pee our pants whether at an improv comedy show...

or just the two of us...

it's crazy that at the ripe old age of 18 (and a maturity level even younger than that), i had the foresight to choose a lifelong friend as amazing, wise, and inspirational as deb. but the truth is, i didn't choose. god chose for me. and, once again, i say thank you...

and now that i've gone wee-wee-wee all the way home, this message is now for you deb...

(you and that masseuse.)

thank you, bono

the view from down here

last week i was feverish and headache-y. it's not easy keeping a two year out of trouble in such a state, let me tell ya. so i took a pillow out to the driveway and let lulu play while i lay(i was going for poetic not grammatical, okay?)...

it wasn't a very comfortable spot. but the view was amazing...

obviously camping makes me sick

anyone who knows me, knows i am not a fan of camping. but there is this job necessity that i have called fall getaway. it's a retreat, not camping per se, but it might be a little close to nature for my liking.

still the fall getaway comes around every year and i am there, without fail. sadly this year, tate's youth group retreat was the same weekend so we were minus one on our team. still, we packed up and headed out for a weekend with our college students at a ranch camp...

every year, my kids love to play with the kitties...

this was the first year jack didn't even ask if we could bring one home. ah, progress!

this was also the first year our kids got to ride the horses...

and yes, my man rocked the shorts and cowboy boots combo. the marlboro man has nothin' on him...

he also held his own in our annual game of ultimate pumpkin. this is played with pumpkins greased with crisco. and this 44 year old heart throb hung in there with the 18-22 year olds...

proving to be, yet again and always, MY ultimate.

another kollar showed off her physical prowess on the high ropes course. unless you are a first time reader, you know it wasn't me. it was the divine miss em. she was super confident on the way up as she said "see ya, suckas!"...

but the view from up here helped keep her humility in check...

still she made it to the zip line...

conquering fear and the wind rushing through your hair are a nice combo. {or so i've heard}

lulu's fan club was out in full force, as usual...

this interchange was too precious...

not only did matt have lulu's heart, but he was simultaneously wooing every college girl watching, without even knowing it.

we got to be with our students. we got to enjoy the perfect weather. and we also got the flu. it hit jack saturday night. em early sunday morning. and me late sunday morning. even tate, at a different retreat, went down the same time i did.

despite the fact that i now have undeniable proof that camping (or near-camping) clearly makes me sick, i will be back again next year. and the next. and the next.

because i love it.

since you are dying to know

how potty training is going.

it's going like this...

between the easily distracted two year old and the easily distracted momma, we still have plenty of accidents.

don't worry lu, they are of a different variety, but mommy has plenty of "accidents" in life still. we're both gonna make it.

there are ways in which things seem to be breaking down around here. not the dishwasher or the van. things that can be even more costly in the long run. our marriage is fine (more than fine, actually). our family is intact and thriving in many ways. but i feel most days that i am at least flailing, if not failing, as a mother.

you may not have noticed but we have a lot of big personalities around here. and in the daily collision where life meets personalities (and temperaments and sin), i am feeling wearied. more by my own sin than anyone else's. i feel broken. i am broken. at times, i feel discouraged. at times i feel disheartened. but overall, i feel hopeful. i may be broken, but i am desperate before the lord. and i am learning. these are good things.

i just read ann voskamp's post on aholyexperience.com titled "when things get broken". every time i read her blog, i am strengthened and encouraged. her book "one thousand gifts" is my all time favorite book. i literally gasped five or six times in the book because the weight of what i was reading was so profound. this is what i read today...

you can't get to joy by making everything perfect. you can only get there by seeing in every imperfection all that's joy.

and so i have my marching orders. not from ann, but from scripture (give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of god in christ jesus for you. 1 thess. 5:18) no more striving to make everything perfect, or as close to perfect to as i can possibly get. instead i want to see all that is joy in every imperfection. i think my husband will notice the difference. i think my kids will feel the difference. i think i will relish the difference in my mind and heart.

i've got big plans today. i'm going on a hunt for joy.

learning from lu

i learn so much from my kids every day. like how to forgive well. and how to live life with exuberance. and how to wear the same pair of underwear for days on end without batting an eyelash. (i don't practice that last one, btw)

lately i have been learning a lot from little miss lulu. while out for coffee and muffins with a friend, we began to munch while happily chatting away. lulu said "momma, we didn't pray!" thank you, baby, for reminding me to be thankful in all things.

another day, on the way into sam's club i told her we were going to get food. she asked "food for africa?" that stopped me dead in my tracks. what a good reminder as i go to fill my pantry that there are empty pantries, and empty tummies, in this world.

and then when we were pretending that she gave me forty dollars, i asked "how should i spend the money?". she answered "O-pia?" (which is how she says ethiopia). i already had my fictional $40 spent on curtains or new jeans or lots of pumpkin spice lattes. but again, out of the mouths of babes, i was reminded that we are blessed to be a blessing. from the girl who is "blessings" herself...