Compassion Confession

Have you been read the Compassion bloggers who were in Kenya? They are such moving posts. You can read my favorite here. It is about Kristen spending a glorious day with her sponsored children.

We sponsor a child through Compassion. His name is Pablo. He lives somewhere in South or Central America, I don't even know where. And that brings us to the confession part of the post. You see, we chose a particular Compassion child awhile back. I thought he was cute and I liked his name. Although, I can't even remember what it is anymore. He was on our fridge. We prayed for him as a family. Before too long, Compassion contacted us saying that his situation changed and he was no longer in need of a sponsor family. I think this is good news.

So they sent us Pablo's information. He was not smiling in his picture the way the other boy was and embarassingly, we had a bit of trouble transitioning to having him as our sponsor child. One of the kids kept replacing Pablo's picture with the first sponsor child. We prayed for him a few times, but it wasn't the same. It didn't have the same feel since we didn't "choose" him. We've never written him. And in a very short time, he disappeared from mention in our prayers, from our thoughts and even from our refrigerator.

What happened? I guess I wanted a cute, smiley picture of a happy needy child. One that I picked out of a pile because I was drawn to something in the picture. Those things would make me feel better about the sponsorship. As if sponsorship was all about me feeling better???? I am gagging myself right now.

But as I reflect on it, I think it is cool that we didn't choose Pablo. Instead, God chose him for us. And He chose us for him. We get each other, in some little way. So, tonight as the kids were going to bed, we prayed for Pablo. And Emmie reminded me that he is from Guatemala. Maybe he was not as far from her thoughts as he was from mine.

Next order of business, we're going to get our markers out and send that boy some letters. I want him to know that he means much more to us than just a check each month. I want him to know that I'm glad God brought us together. And I'm going to go through some piles to find his picture. His precious little non-smiling picture that belongs on our fridge. Though I know sponsorship is more than a picture on a fridge, we have to start somewhere. So we're going to start right here.

The world according to Lulu

On being prepared...
You can never have too many pacifers close at hand. (She has three in the above picture.)

On siblings...
They are WAY fun.

On McDonald's fries...
More, Please.

On huge hair bows...
They can also be worn as necklaces, ya know?

On bed-head...
Also known as Kramer hair or Lyle Lovett hair. Neither the look we are going for.

On Daddy coming home from campus...
Reunited and it feels so good!

Good News/Bad News

Jack is really into introducing his comments in the form of good news and bad news. For example, he said to me the other day, "Mom, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is I can't find my wallet. The good news is I found my deodorant!" So, in honor of my littlest big boy, this is my "I've got good news and bad news" post.

Bad news: I am sick again.
Good news: If there are any migrant germs out there, they can be sure to find a home with me. I'm just that giving.

Good news: Lulu is walking. She hasn't given crawling up completely, but she is definitely walking more than she is crawling and so proud of herself...
Bad news: Lulu is walking. {Sigh} They grow up too quickly.

Good news: My new favorite song is getting a lot of air time. It's Soul Sister by Train, featured first on my playlist. I told Bill if he ever wrote a song for me, this is what I would want it to be like, catchy and quirky, with references to the 80's.
Bad news: Jack knows all the words to it. It can be a bit disturbing to hear the line "Like a virgin, you're Madonna" coming out of my 7 year old's mouth. Maybe he thinks it's a Christmas song.:)

Good news: I found this blush and I really like it...
Bad news: It does not remove the brown age spots on my left cheek. (Not that my expectations of my make-up are unusually high or anything.)

Bad news: My Mommy's body doesn't seem to be handling her second round of chemo as well as the first. She needed a blood transfusion last week and I have a feeling it won't be the last.
Good news: I saw her three times in the past week to provide her with her Lulu Therapy...
These delightful ladies are truly two peas in a pod.

I guess that's about all the news for now. Being sick on Sunday means...
Bad news: I am missing Church.
Good news: I have a completely quiet house. I think I'm going to go enjoy it by resuming my horizontal position on the couch.

Chuck Norris and the Girl Scouts

Jack came to me with a joke the other day, "Mom, did you know that George Washington once kicked a McDonald's so hard it turned into a Wendy's?"

Get it? No, of course you don't because it's supposed to be a Chuck Norris joke not a George Washington joke. But now I get even more of a chuckle out of Chuck Norris jokes when I substitute George Washington in them.

In other news, I decided to give up sweets for Lent. I don't traditionally give up things for Lent. Actually, I don't traditionally give up things at all. So that is one reason why I decided to give up something this year. I am a pretty indulgent person. I know it's such a small thing, but every day it is just a little reminder of the love and worthiness of Christ and His sacrifice. It is also a reminder of the privilege I have to belong to Him. I will say, however, that had I considered the fact that GIRL SCOUT COOKIES COME OUT DURING LENT I might have chosen to give up Diet Coke instead. But as I said, He is worthy.

Since I won't be partaking right now, there will be more Thin Mints for this one to sink her teeth into, now that she has a couple of them poking through...
Things are changing 'round here. Speaking of round, did you know they were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of the game Clue, but the answer always turned out to be "Chuck Norris. In the Library. With a roundhouse kick."

I've been thinking...

Scary, I know.

Over the years this happy-go-lucky girl has become more introspective. The journey of adoption, the changing of our family, and the diagnosis of my Mommy's cancer has given me much to "introspect" about. The main thing I have struggled with the past 7 months, as I have blogged about before, is that I don't feel like myself. My life, at times, can feel like I am an observer rather than a participant. And a pretty confused observer at that. I can't quite figure out the plot or the characters in the story of my life right now.

During this time, there have been some key revelations I have had. The first came from my Mommy's best friend, Robin. She reads my blog to my Mother who has Macular Degeneration and cannot see it for herself. How sweet is that? She read my posts about living in a fog and feeling like a stranger in my own life. And she called me to remind me that my beloved Mommy has cancer. Not to remind me as if I've forgotten, but to speak the life-giving words that I need to give myself permission to be sad about my Mommy's cancer. I should be sad. I need to be sad. So it's no wonder that I haven't been my normally perky self as I have been adjusting to this reality.

The second revelation came through a conversation with Doobie. She's Deb to the rest of the world, but to me she will always be Doobie. She has been a consistent source of truth and grace in my life. In a conversation we had several weeks back, I told her of how the way I have done life doesn't seem to be working as well now that I have 4 children and a baby. I used to have seemingly unending energy for relationships. I am the type of person who has a high capacity for relationships and gain energy by being with people. I would pack my days with one thing after another, all relating to people, and never seem to tire. I would stay up late (and sleep in late when possible) and go, go, go with pretty authentic joy and vigor.

Not so anymore. I am ready for bed at 9:30pm. What am I, 85? Next I'm going to start eating dinner at 4pm. The idea of more than one outside activity with someone during the day sounds draining rather than life-giving to me. My schedule is pared down significantly from previous years as far as responsibilities outside our home and yet, life feels overwhelming to me. I have asked myself over and over again in the past 7 months, "Who am I?" and "What's wrong with me?!".

These are the questions I brought before Doobie. She helped me to see that it's not that something is wrong with me, but that I am becoming more of who I am supposed to be. Some of the patterns that I was living in with my "all people, all the time" lifestyle were extreme and, though enjoyable at the time, imbalanced. And with my growing family and their changing needs, I have less capacity outside of my home because of increased demands within my home. And, as someone who can tend to respond more to the needs outside of my family, it is a really good thing for me to be careful to live by my priorities.

We have a new normal and we are trying to figure out how to "do life" with 4 kids and a baby. I've been realizing that when kids are little, caring for them can be hard work. I need to be on high alert at all times to provide for Lulu's needs. I had forgotten how physically exhausting it can be to have a little one around. And I am just learning how it can be exhausting in a different way to have school-aged kids. They don't physically need me for that much anymore, but now it can be more emotionally exhausting. It's not that I have it that hard, especially since it's 1:1 for me during the days with just Lulu. But it is different. And exhausting in every respect. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Finally, the third revelation was an experience I had with the Lord. I was driving alone and I love using that time to talk to God. I was telling him again of how I don't feel the same and how it still puzzles me. And it hit me as if he was talking right to me. I am different. I am supposed to be different. The process of adoption changed me. Ethiopia changed me. Knowing and loving Lulu is changing me. God Himself is changing me through my husband and kids, my daily life, my Mom's cancer, His word, other people. People change and grow. It was like He was saying, "It's okay, Miss. You're okay, Miss. It's going to turn out okay. I've got you." like I say to my little Lulu when she's sad, "Mommy's got you, it's okay, baby girl." I can be sad. I can cry. I can be confused. I can question it all. Because I am held.

And that's about enough thinking for today.

Our Very Own Olympics

It's been a long, cold winter for us. I am so glad March is right around the corner. Everyone is filled with the anticipation of a long-awaited spring. Though we may still have some waiting to do. Yesterday, I realized even in this snowy winter, my kids have not gone sledding once.

It was the perfect day because it was in the 30's (we consider that balmy) and sunny, so the wimpy Momma didn't have to watch from the car. We went to our favorite little hill in the neighborhood and what ensued was gold medal fun!
Gettin' air...
If you go get off your sled in time, you end up in the "picturesque" drainage ditch...
Someone may have gotten a little nudge by a brother to end up there. Guess who that was...
Behold the wonder of snow...

Don't worry, it wasn't yellow.

Who needs Vancouver? I've got my own Olympians...
And now that we've had our winter fun, bring on Spring!

While You Were Sleeping...

Dear Internet Service,

It has been a long week without you. I have missed your presence in my life. While you lay dormant, powerless to feed my desire to blog or shop online, I thought you might want to know what we did without you. Other than pout and complain, that is.

Bill and I went on our first date without Lulu since she came into our lives...
I did not like the above picture that our waitress took because a) it looks like Bill has a little doinky hair on top on his head and b) I am in that unfortunate "neck brace" pose. So we took one on our own...
Much better.

Tate and Addi, were the babysitters for Lulu...
Addi's Dad was also there for my reassurance.

Jack and Bill went to a Hockey game...
Emmie was invited to a Girl Scout event that featured different countries around the world. She and Kate wore their Ethiopian dresses...
My friend Betty made Dabo Kolo, an Ethiopian treat for the Ethiopia table. Think itty bitty shortbread bites. YUM! Not surprisingly, Emmie came home wanting to be a Girl Scout. Once upon a time I was a Girl Scout. Until the camping trip. Even having Carmel Delites and Thin Mints to their credit could not make up for having to use a latrine. I was out. I think Em will fair better than I did. She actually likes to camp. Whatever.

Tate had Hawaiian Day at school...
Slightly ironic given the weather outside...
Lulu has been perfecting the art of making messes around the house...
As we spend our days together waiting for "the others" to return home...
We all have been enjoying the Olympics and we just got back into American Idol last night. I had been doing so well at avoiding American Idol this season. We skipped all the auditions, but last night, I caved. I am sure we will be watching tonight. And tomorrow night. And two to three nights a week for the next 3 months. I am a weak person.

Speaking of American Idol, I heard Adam Lambert's new single on the radio the other day. It's catchy, but the lyrics confuse me: is he happy or mad? No clue. But as I listened I kept thinking, "Who does he remind me of? I know this voice!". And I realized it was none other than Richard Marx. Holy Eyeliner, I feel like Adam Lambert has given me 1987 back.

All that to say, welcome back beloved internet service. I just wanted you to know what we did to keep our selves busy while you were sleeping.

It was a good week, despite your absence, but please don't go away again. Ever.