chalkboard valentine's

just like this post, valentine's day was rather anti-climactic. emmie went to a skating party at school with another family. jack had basketball practice. i planned the games for the kids parties at school, but i am losing my edge. they were just okay. it was better than doing math though, right?

i made a dinner that sounded good on the menu:

gouda stuffed chicken

asparagus

cheesy potatoes

salad

chocolate covered strawberries

but it tasted pretty mediocre. except the chocolate covered strawberries. they are always a hit.

then i fell asleep at 9pm while putting jack to bed. with my clothes on and contacts in, no less. low on the romance chart, but high on the real life chart. i didn't have a lot of energy for gifts and cards, so my valentine's were on our chalkboard placemats this year...

someone made one for mommy too...

the valentine's are long gone now just like valentine's day, but love can't be erased...

i love love.

this is how i first knew about love...

along with these dear ones...

they pointed me to Love...

Who led me to true love...

out of which came lovelies...

happy valentine's day.

i can't spell.

her name is luci. l-u-c-i. we spelled it "wrong". i think because we liked the way it looked with her middle name (may) and i wanted her to be able to make a heart to dot the "i" in her name when she was in middle school. but it has it's challenges. such as:

• no cups or little flashlights with her name on it
• having to constantly spell her name as soon as i say it
• her own mother misspelling her name on the last line of her birthday post.

learn from me, people. just spell your kids' names the normal way. or give them a nickname that's ridiculously easy to spell...

this blessed day.

it's happened four times. four times a child has been born into this world. four times a child has been placed into my arms. three times that has happened in a hospital, and once in an orphanage. regardless of who physically placed that child in my arms, i knew that he or she was being placed there by God. and four times i have been overwhelmed with gratitude and wonder. each moment uniquely different and yet each moment foundationally the same..."you belong with me".

lulu was 51/2 months when placed in my arms while the others were minutes (or hours) old.the events of her birth and being placed in our arms happened on two different blessed days. today we celebrate the first of those days. the blessed day of her birth. the day we missed, but her first mommy did not. and her Father was there then just as He is now.

and now we have a 3 year old in the house...

she is sweet...

she is sassy...

but the best way to describe this 3 year old is with the 5 love languages of lulu:

PHYSICAL AFFECTION: every day i am showered with kisses, hugs, caresses on the cheek, pats on the back, and gentle strokes of my hair.

TIME: lulu can play just fine on her own, but she prefers to play alongside someone. anytime i am leaving to go somewhere i know i will get the question "and me? i go with you?"

ACTS OF SERVICE: if we ask one of the older kids to do something often you hear a little voice say "i can do it." sometimes she will just run and do it before we even realize it. this little thing has a heart to serve others.

GIFTS: she likes them, that's for sure. she is grateful for even the smallest of gifts. for example, we just sang "happy birthday" to her with her cinnamon roll at breakfast and she said to each one of us at least once, "thank you for singing happy birthday to me." she also gives gifts. her very existence is a gift. and her joy infects every environment she is in like a gift. just like her given name meaning "blessings".

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: every day, i will hear spontaneous expressions of love such as

"mom, you are amazing."

"i love you SO bad."

"you're so cute."

and "you're a good mommy!"

(to be fair, i have to say that when she receives an answer she doesn't like, i also hear "you're a bad mommy". she definitely says what she feels.) her EQ (emotional quotient) seems exceptionally high. for example, when we were in the grocery store she asked about my dad, granddaddy. i told her "well, granddaddy died." to which she responded so tenderly, "Ohh, i am so sorry." she ministered to me in that moment with her compassionate words. and she does that in so many other moments each and every day.

lulu IS a love language. and we are so glad for the blessings of her presence in this world and in our family. happy birthday, lucy may rediet kollar!

'stache-ing through the snow...

we went from nebraska to narnia overnight...

all the snow made for a very fun weekend.

and gave us grateful hearts to have a warm house

and hot chocolate in weather such as this...

a lovely mess

i love this picture...

it's not just that this shaggy mutt has weaseled his way into my heart. or that lulu took the picture. or that you can see my teal chevron rug.

i think it's more that this picture is kind of a mess. the lighting is a mess. the dog is a mess. the house is a mess. it's real life. and i love it.

i laughed. i cried. it was better than "cats". i will go back again and again and again.

when last you heard from me, i was a jumbled mess of grown up dreams and adolescent insecurities (please note: i am still very much in that state and think i will remain there, at least in some ways, until i am approximately 82 years old.) god knows this about me. he is very compassionate with me. but he also likes to mess with me. here's what he did this time: bill left for a meeting with the van (my command central) before i left for the airport. that's when i realized that my make up was in the van, complete unaccessible. really, lord? i'm supposed to go to this conference au naturale????? but thankfully i had just bought emmie some make up for her recital so, armed with my bonnie bell best, i headed to the created for care conference in atlanta.

being reunited with christine was every bit the treasure i knew it would be...

(please don't be mad about that picture, christine.

i had to post it because it just cracks me up! we look cute enough in the other ones, ok?)

i was in danger of peeing in my pants just about every time christine opened her mouth. and our hearts were able to connect deeply so there were tears mixed with the belly laughing. the perfect combination.

we were in an amazing retreat center. i can't believe i didn't take any pictures of the snack bins or the big refrigerators filled with all the diet coke you could drink for free. then sings my soul.

we were in a beautiful setting...

though quite honestly, i didn't experience much of it. i was too take with the immediate beauty of the women i was surrounded by. take seble, for example. she is ethiopian and works at the hotel. when i meet anyone ethiopian, my heart starts fluttering with excitement. but it's not just her nationality that makes her special. she came in on her day off just to be at the conference. she stayed up til 2am to make ethiopian bread for us. she went out of her way to encourage and get to know us. that is beauty...

i got to make new friends like rory, who i would have packed up and taken home with me if it didn't cost so darn much to check luggage...

i also got to connect with dear ones whose journeys i have felt like i have been along for the ride. and as with christina and kim, have sweet heart to heart talks that only confirmed in real time the connection that already existed in cyberspace.

for many others, the connections at the conference were far too short. i experienced a strange sort of phenomenon when meeting several of the women who i was so excited to see at the conference. i find it pretty easy to make connections when meeting for the first time. in fact, it's kind of my hobby to make new friends. i also can easily get deep with old friends. but this whole "get to know someone in real life who you already feel like you know in love through their blog" had me scratching my head. honestly, i couldn't really make small talk because i already knew the answers. for example, "where do you live? oh wait, i already know. what are your kids names? oh wait, i know that too. also what you did for their birthday party." but to ask about deeper things also felt a little awkward too. i left wanting to be able to connect more deeply. which is why i guess i'll have to come back next year!

and i loved the opportunity to be immersed in an environment of seeking the lord with such an amazing group of women. great speakers. amazing worship. time alone with god...

and in that world related to adoption and orphan care, god spoke to me. though he challenged me related to my role in orphan care, he did not speak to me about adopting again. i kind of wanted him to since i would jump on that idea with gusto. instead he spoke to me about applying the things i learned there to the four children currently under my roof.

after months of struggling to make sense of some of the challenges related to undesirable behaviors in my home (in my kids but even more in myself), i feel like i finally have a framework that all those things can fit into. it's as if the past months have been driving me toward these realizations and this conference was a climactic opportunity for the lord to speak into my life.

he spoke even more powerfully than the free snacks and diet coke did (and that's saying a lot.)

so i returned home with new friends, new perspectives and a renewed passion for what god has called me to not just around the world, but in my little world right here at home.