how does it all fit?

how does all the love that i feel for these little people fit in my heart?

how does all of the sadness i feel at losing my mother fit into my life without overwhelming me?

how does the joy of being a mommy and the pain of not having my mommy fit in my blessedly- aching soul simultaneously?

how does it fit together that one mother is lost and another is found on the other side of the world?

because of the reality of adoption and the loss of my dear mommy, mother's day will always be a holiday that i have to work a bit to "make things fit". i'm learning that it's not as straight forward as a homemade card and flowers. it is those things, for sure. but as i found out today, my first mother's day without my own mommy, though it is a wonderful day; it can also be a weepy day.

still it was a special day. it started with breakfast in bed made by my kiddos...

oh yes i did just post that picture of myself. why would i do such a thing? because it happened and i looked just like that when it happened. and this blog (barring the occasional touch up for excessive aging) is about real life.

next was church where my sunday school craft idea actually turned out cute...

it is rare when reality exceeds my ridiculously high expectations in life.

after that, lunch at home with sweet grandma and friends made (mostly) by my favorite...

despite the pictured backyard make-out session, when bill scored his biggest points was the night before when he asked me if it would comfort me to have gunga's dog, dickens (who normally sleeps in his kennel), sleep in bed with us. i know it doesn't sound sexy, but it ministered deeply to me. you get me, babe. well, maybe not all of the time. but you got me when it counted. thanks.

the afternoon consisted of hangin' out and having fun...

with the occasional tears mixed in at unexpected times. while everyone else feasted on leftovers for dinner, bill went out to get me something special. my meal was like a little shout out to my mommy. she spent most of her adult life in an unofficial search for the world's most perfect caesar salad. and she thought she had found it many times over as she could often be heard saying "I do believe this is the best caesar salad i ever put in my mouth." well this is indeed the best caesar salad i ever put in my mouth...

i only wish i had been sharing it with her.

but i shared it with some pretty cool people, the four who call me Mommy...

we ended the night with many rounds of hide and seek/tag. it was lulu's first time playing and i found her to be a helpful decoy...

that's how we celebrated the day. it's hard to believe just one year ago, i was celebrating this holiday with my sweet mommy...

i ache for her. in answer to my first questions, honestly i'm not sure how things "fit" in my life. with love. with loss. with joy. with pain. with adoption. with disappointment. with suffering around the world. but i do know who i "fit" with.

"how good it is to sing praises to our God,

how pleasant and fitting to praise him."

Psalm 147:1

so i'm just gonna go with that.

friday fun

so unfortunately, i have a bit of a girl stache. it's not terrible, but it's not my favorite thing about myself either. my kids don't quite get it. they think it's funny that i have resorted to dying it blonde and having it waxed. sensitive lot, aren't they?

but i don't want to pass on insecurity. so we'll just consider this a little object lesson on living out my mission statement "live imperfectly with great delight"...

stache and all. here's to what we like about ourselves. and what we don't like too.

for more friday (and mustache) fun, watch this. i tried all day to get embed it on my blog but couldn't get it to work. trust me, it will make your friday more fun.

oh, and sorry about the song i have cued up on my playlist. it's terrible, i know. but i have a soft spot in my heart for kid song writers since i gave birth to a couple of them. and i couldn't resist because of the post title and because, you know

"yesterday was thursday, thursday

today it is friday, friday

we-we-we so excited

we so excited

we gonna have a ball today

tomorrow is saturday

and sunday comes afterwards

i don't want this weekend to end"

happy queen's day!

gyffies, tramps and trees

meet gyffy, the only rubber member of our family...

only included in this post for my amusement with the title.

trampin' it up...

though it is definitely her default, here's proof that lulu doesn't always smile. this face cracks me up...

lulu's turn to take a picture...

i had to work pretty hard to get in the frame, but not too bad.

our traditional photos when our cherry blossom tree is in full bloom had a bit of a snafu this year. we blinked and we missed when it was at it's prime. so we just borrowed the neighbors tree...

the other snafu, lulu was not keen on being hoisted up into a tree for her pic ...

can't say that i blame her.

around the world and in my own backyard...

it was a pretty busy weekend.

there was a little wedding you may have heard about. and a 10 year old manhunt came to an end. a lot of news in the world arena. though it may not as newsworthy, there was a lot going on in my little corner of the world as well.

first there was the spring chorus concert...

if you are thinking the girls are dressed that way because we are ultra-conservative, rest assured, we are not that behind the times in nebraska. the concert had a colonial theme. and bill had em's cap which sent her into mock humiliation...

then it was girl's night at a japanese steakhouse out to celebrate robrenna's birthday...

(please note: if you are the loud mouth in your party, the guy throwing the knives and food will surely use that fact for his purposes.)

saturday, along with dance, a track meet, and a football game, was our annual ladies tea for church. i was the emcee again, a role which puts the aforementioned loud mouthed-ness to good use. this years theme was "the hats we wear"...

the woman on the far right won the "top hat" prize. she was so shocked that she won

anything and was a bit confused about what it was for.

when i explained to her that it was a prize for the one who had the most beautiful look,

whose hat was a crown of glory, she started to cry and

told me she was going to live all week on the compliment.

i wanted to try to sneak her home in my handbag.

that's the kind of gracious, humble beauty i want to have at her age...

at any age!

what a fun blast from the past to be able to wear hats for this event...

(my friends who were in charge of the event, rebecca and becky, did an amazing job)

speaking of amazing, tate lent his skills as a server...

the theme for the table i decorated was "somebunny loves you...jesus!"

i didn't win. but em was able to decorate her own table for the first time. her theme was "all things bright and beautiful"...

she didn't win either. stupid voters. :)

immediately following the tea, we headed to our end of the year picnic with our students...

college students are so much fun!

who needs a royal wedding when you can have a royally good time in your own neck of the woods?