They had prepared us...

for a difficult moment while we were in Ethiopia. The social worker with our agency said that there is almost always a time, while you are still in the country, when your child will focus in on your face then all of a sudden break out in inconsolable tears. It is like she has the realization, "This is it. I am really stuck with these people."

Well, it happened. On our second day with her, it was obvious that our sweet Rediet looked into my eyes and was filled with sadness. She immediately started to bawl, a scared cry unlike any we had heard from her before. Bill, who she always has a smile for, came over to her and she fixed her eyes on him and broke into the same sad, sad, cry. It was short-lived, but it was obvious what was going on. It hit her, "This is it. I am really stuck with these people." Oh how my heart ached for her loss. It is important for her to grieve. And in her short life, she has had much to grieve.

Indeed, you are stuck with us sweet girl. We are a bit of a crazy bunch. But we will love you with a faithful love throughout your whole life. We are sorry for your losses. But we thank God that from now on, you will face those losses as well as any others to come, with us at your side.

They had also prepared us that, though we had an appointment scheduled to meet her biological Grandmother that day, that she might not show up. I tried to be prepared for that, but in my heart I was just sure she would be there. But she wasn't. We don't know what happened. Almaz never had confirmation that she got the message about the meeting. I was so sad for Rediet. So many questions that can never be answered now.

But God knows the answer to each one of our questions. He knew Rediet when her inmost being was formed in the secret place (Psalm 139:15) and He knew all the days that were formed for her before one of them even came to be (Psalm 139:16). I know it might make things harder for her down the road to not know the circumstances of her birth or her mother's death. But we will trust in the fact that God knows each detail, indeed every curly hair on that precious little head, and He holds her in his loving hands. He held her for the first 5 months of her life before she was with us. The same hands that ordained that she would join our family. And He will hold her all of the days of her life.

Though it was such a loss not to see her Grandmother, she returned home to two Grandmothers anxious awaiting her arrival...
Gunga getting an up-close view...
While we waited hoping her Grandmother would come, we got to observe the two birth family meetings that did happen that day. What a bittersweet experience for these families. The fact that you have this potential to meet the birth families is an incredible part of the adoption program in Ethiopia.

This was the coldest day while we were there. I was pretty self-conscious about keeping Rediet wrapped up since they bundle their babies up quite a bit there. Here's what we did to keep her warm that day...
I wrapped Bill's rain coat around him and zipped it up backwards. If someone in our marriage needs a straight jacket, it's definitely not him. But it did the job!

That night we got to go out for a traditional Ethiopian dinner and dance. The food was amazing. Okay, not all of it was amazing to me. But Shiro was delicious. It's the yellow stuff in the middle...
Bill calls it "Ethiopian Queso". Tate was not impressed. He had been a trooper all week given his "food sensitivities" (his way of saying "picky eater") so I let him just eat a piece of bread. Looking at the above picture, I can see why it wouldn't be desirable to an 11 year old. He did find something he was very excited about at the hotel...
Ethiopia's version of Mac and Cheese. He has no "food sensitivities" to Mac and Cheese in any country!

Speaking of food, look who had rice cereal for the first time...
No "food sensitivities" so far...

Back to Ethiopia

Usually the climax to a story happens in the middle or toward the end. But the climax of our Journey to Lulu happened early on Gotcha Day. The trip continued with the sweet opportunity to get to know our baby as well as the country of her birth.

Following meeting Luci May Rediet for the first time, we went to the American Embassy to file for her visa to bring her back to the States. This was a bit challenging since she was fussy for a good bit of that time. And I was really self-conscious around all the Ethiopians wanting to prove to them that I could be a good mother to this child I was taking from their country. Can I stop being a people-pleaser for just one second in my life, please?

The rest of the afternoon was spent gazing at Rediet. We couldn't get enough of her...
Side note: while we were in Ethiopia we referred to her as her given name Rediet (pronounced "Reh-deet") exclusively. For this reason, I will probably refer to her this way in most of my review of our trip. It was obvious that she recognized her name. It has been quite hard for me to make the transition to Luci May since we've been back. I love the name we chose and it is part of her new identity as a Kollar, but I hate that she has lost everything she has ever known including that bit of her identity. And the only thing she still has from her birth mother. Making the transition harder is that I can hear the special mothers say her name in my head with their beautiful Ethiopian accents. It is just another reminder of the grieving and loss of adoption along with the beauty of a new life. She is responding to Luci now and since Rediet is still part of her name, I'm doing better with it.

Hangin' at the hotel the first night...
My suitcase arrived late that afternoon, so I was glad to have fresh bibs and sassy clothes to put her in.

Our full first day together started with a bath. Daddy did the honors...
If you'll look closely, you'll notice she is spitting up in the bath tub. Figures.

Day two was shopping day. Since most agencies have an agreement with the Ethiopian government to not have families out in public, we were asked to leave her at the orphanage. This is no small feat for a family who has just being reunited with their daughter. But since I didn't trust Bill to do the shopping for me and he probably didn't trust me not to spend all our money, we did it. Here we are in the morning having breakfast...
Look what a cooperative shopper she would have been! After a fun day with our friends of shopping and eating Italian food (in Ethiopia??? I recommend the lasagna.) it was time to go back to the Orphanage. It was a sweet reunion...
And that my dear, is the last time you will stay at an orphanage. Unless you want to run one when you grow up.

Back at the Ranch

I'll take a little break from re-living our incredible Journey to Lulu in order to give an update about life at home as a family of six.

We've been home one week now. As far as I can tell, Luci May is adjusting well. She is full of smiles, like this one...
She is very generous with her smiles for just about anyone. The first day we got back my sister said, "Look at how she is looking at you. It's like she knows you are her Mama." Then she said, "Oh wait, she just looked at me that way too." We love this about her, but think it might make it a little harder to figure out if she is bonding to us as her parents.

The older kids are smitten with her as well. They haven't dealt with any jealousy yet. It's like they recognize that Her Loveliness is worthy of our adoration as well as theirs. I was concerned about Jack being "dethroned" as the youngest not just in our family, but in our extended family as well. If you have read this blog much, you have probably picked up on the fact that our little guy enjoys the spotlight that has firmly been his for almost 7 years. But my fears were allayed the other night. As he was going to bed I was asking him how he felt about his baby sister. He said, "Mom, I think she is even cuter than me!" It's like, for Luci, he is voluntarily abdicating his throne to the baby sister.
Emmie has let her maternal instincts kick in. She loves preparing the bottles, carrying the diaper bag, and (best of all) picking out Lulu's outfits each day. She is loving finally having a sister.
It is hard for the kids that, for the sake of attachment, Bill and I need to be the only ones to feed her and console her. But they are enjoying their roles of entertaining her and making her laugh.
Each of the kids have been helpful. Many times I day I can be heard asking one of them to get me a diaper or a burp cloth or a paci. And they have been very willing so far. I anticipate that part could change as the novelty wears off. But I am very appreciative of extra hands around the house. They are all so loving with her. She just fits with us. See how well she fits into Saturday morning TV time?
We are really pleased with their adjustment to this big change in our lives so far. And it really is a big change to have a baby in the house again after 6 years. In many ways I totally feel like a rookie mom. For example, I went to Wal-mart the other day without a diaper bag. I was only picking up a few things or so I thought. We had a delightful time together until I got to the checkout line. She started to fuss. I can tend to fuss in the Walmart lines as well. This was when I realized that a pacifier would have really come in handy at a time like that. I then proceeded to put the cart in the corral, put the baby in the car, leave my purse in the cart and drive away. A fact I didn't realize until I got home. There's just so much to remember now! At least I didn't leave the baby in the cart, right? The good news is that my purse was safely recovered with my whopping $5 still securely in my wallet.

Another change is letting go of the formerly long, quiet nights of sleep we used to have. She really isn't doing too bad since she adjusted to the time change. The other night we put her down at 9:30pm. At 5:26am I awoke to her fussing a bit and Bill giving her the pacifier and trying to soothe her. I kind of reprimanded him saying, "Bill she hasn't eaten since 9pm, she needs a bottle." To which he informed me, "Miss, I was up with her at 2:30am giving her a bottle." Oops, thanks honey. He's really good at the night shift. Tate took a "day shift" during nap time...
And finally, you may be wondering how we are doing with her hair. She has great hair and I'd rather not be the one to mess that up. But there's a pretty big learning curve here. I felt a little silly buying "Pantene for Women of Color" for a 6 month old, but I haven't really had time yet to scour the blogs for the best product. I'm open to your suggestions. I walked in on Bill the other day brushing her hair with a barbie brush. I doubt I will find that suggestion in any blogs. In his defense, it doesn't really look like a barbie brush and happened to be by some other baby items. It actually worked pretty well though. Maybe we will start a new trend. Here she is demonstrating the versatility of this item: barbie brush, baby styling tool, and teething toy...
There is one "family member" who is not adjusting quite as well as the rest of us. She is fine, but feeling a bit insecure. Look at the look in Ruby's eyes...
Poor, pathetic Hairy Beast. Even though a baby has turned our hearts inside out and our lives upside down, we do still love you.

Gotcha Day!

Also known as "Luci May Day"!

Despite the fact that we had been waiting for this day for over a year and dreaming of it for even longer than that, nothing could prepare me for that moment when my daughter was placed in my arms. I have had three babies that grew inside me placed in my arms. Those were euphoric moments. It was equally euphoric, though different, to have a baby that grew in my heart be placed in my arms. That surreal moment happened on July 27th, 2009.

We woke that morning and had breakfast with the other traveling families...
I love these people. We shared such an intense life experience together. We were all giddy with excitement that morning. After filling out some paperwork, we walked the infamous walk down the alley and around the corner to Hannah's Hope Orphanage...
Here's my little foot setting off on the walk of a lifetime...
And we stood before the gate that we have seen so many other families stand in front of before...
It's our turn!I anticipated we would be standing outside for awhile, but we walked right in and could see all the babies immediately...
We got caught up in the joy of our friends children being brought to them and then suddenly I saw her. Rediet. Our girl. Before I knew it, Almaz was walking toward us holding her. I scrambled for my camera to hand off to someone and the next thing I knew...
She was in my arms.
Unspeakable joy.
Bill's turn...
Meeting big brother Tate for the first time...

My turn again...
Bill and I were jockeying for position all morning long...
Checkin' out this guy called Daddy...Hannah's Hope is such an amazing place. They take such good care of these children with selfless love. Here is Rediet with one of her "special mothers"...
She was worn out by the whole "meet your new family for the first time" thing...
This smile on my face says it all...
At long last, she is in my arms and with her forever family.

The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3

A funny thing happened on the way to Ethiopia...

our lives were changed forever. First and foremost, we were united with our dear baby. But in addition to that, we also experienced a country and people that will always be with us. Come along as we chronicle our trip to Ethiopia to bring home Luci May Rediet.

Here we are in the airport before we left. Our last picture as a family of 5...
I envisioned getting a picture of us in the airport as a family of 6, but I was too emotional and exhausted to remember. The trip there was an adventure in itself. Omaha to Detroit. Detroit to Amsterdam. Amsterdam to Addis(with a stop in Khartoum, Sudan). Here are Tate and I in the beginning when we were still bright-eyed and didn't stink...

Though international flights may cost an arm and a leg, it is kind of nice to be able to watch movies to your heart's content. I loved "Confessions of a Shopaholic". It gets my vote for an Oscar this year. I think Tate watched over 20 movies total on the whole trip. He was pretty stoked about this perk of the trip.
Then after about 24 hours of traveling, we arrived in a country I have loved from afar for over a year now. The birth place of coffee but most importantly, the birthplace of my daughter. We arrived minus one of our bags, the most important one. Of course it was the one with my clothes and Lulu's clothes. We met up with our travel group (people who we deeply love now) and were off to the Union Hotel with a bazillion suitcases and tubs tied on top of a van.

The next day we learned why it's called the "rainy season" right now in Ethiopia. It comes down hard and fast and out of nowhere. When it cleared a bit we went on a little tour of the city. Armed with one word in the official language Amharic ("thank you"), we set off in a taxi. Thankfully the hotel arranged a taxi driver for us who knew some English and who waited for us at each stop. Otherwise, we'd probably still be in Ethiopia right now. Here we are at the National Museum with our taxi driver in the background (in orange)...
He arranged for a tour of the museum for us which was fascinating and very helpful, but a little challenging for an 11 year old boy. Tate was so great about it and it was one of the many times that I was immensely proud of him on the trip. As we were driving off he asked us what we tipped the man who gave us the tour. Oops. That would be nothing. He kindly turned around and drove us back so Bill could sheepishly walk back in and make amends.

It was incredible to get a little bit of a feel for the city...

We went to bed that night knowing that the next morning we would be meeting our daughter. Notice I said "went to bed", not "went to sleep". There wasn't much sleeping. At least not for me. Bill was snoring like an old Granny.

My head was swimming with thoughts of the day ahead. Here is Rediet's referral picture...
How could I sleep when I knew that the baby who we had only seen in pictures would soon be in my arms?

Meet the Rookie...

Luci May Rediet Kollar

The newest addition to Team Kollar

We are home...
And we are in love...
More details and pictures to come