Be still my heart...

What has happened to my "mother's intuition"? I feel like I've lost it somehow. I used to know when my kids were sick. I didn't need a thermometer. I had a mom-meter. It told me stuff. Like who stole the cookie from the cookie jar and other pertinent information for moms. But it's gone. Or at least on vacation.

This morning Jack told me his tummy hurt. I believed him. He's a truth-teller, usually. Plus, he looked like his tummy hurt. All pathetic and cute. So we spent the whole day together, the way it was before Kindergarten entered our lives. I could tell as the day wore on that it wasn't exactly a dreadful malady. I guess my first clue was all the pickles he downed at lunch. Then just as his brother in sister came home he admitted, "Mom, part of my sickness was that I wanted to stay home and be with you."

Be still my heart.

If you remember, this is my brutally honest child. He doesn't do the customary "I love you too". He once sweetly looked into my eyes and told me that he loved my mother's dog more than me. He then added, "That's because he's cuter than you are." He tells the truth because Jack has to be true to himself.

So if it took a little vacation from my mother's intuition and an unnecessary absence from school to fill up this Mommy's heart today? So be it.

an anniversary, of sorts

20 years ago i fell in love.
and it wasn't with my husband (that came a little later).
i fell in love with jesus.
oh, i had known him for awhile.
it was a little like one of those romantic comedies
(my life is always way more comedic than romantic)
where the guy is madly in love with the girl
and she kind of knows it
but doesn't really get it until the end of the movie.
she sees him as a friend, but doesn't know he is worthy of her love.
like "the wedding singer" or "win a date with tad hamilton".
i guess it's a crazy comparison, but i was that girl.
my relationship with christ before january 1989
was a little bit like that.
i was blessed to grow up in a family where
i was taught about his love and grace.
and i was also shown his love and grace.
but i didn't see that he was worthy of my life.
until in 1989, thanks to my dear friend deb,
when something happened.
my eyes were opened.
my heart was captured.
my life was forever changed.
the truth is, i still don't get it when it comes to god.
i doubt him.
i forget him.
i give my truest love to other things
that will never really satisfy me.
but i keep doing it. again and again.
and i keep being lavished with his grace.
again and again.
20 years ago, in a messy dorm room,
i fell in love.
that began an incredible adventure
that i wouldn't trade for the world.

shh...

I loved the idea I got from other bloggers about choosing a word to focus on for the whole year. That is such a different concept for someone like me with a very short span of attention. As I sought the Lord about what word I should choose, the word

listen

is what I sensed I should focus on. It has several different layers...

First I want to be attuned to the Spirit of God in my life. I want to listen for Him and follow His leading in my day to day life. Instead of the usual "Hey I'm doing this God, you can join me if you want..." that I often find as my mode of operation. This is going to mean choosing stillness and solitude in my life. I'm a flaming extrovert...I don't do solitude well. And I'm going to have to choose quiet my soul and learn to hear the Lord speaking to my heart. I don't do quiet well either. But I am anxious to learn and find out what God has in store for our relationship.

Secondly, I want to listen to my husband and kids. Often times I am only half paying attention. I want to give eye contact and listen to them, really listen. They deserve to be honored by me in this way.

Thirdly, I interrupt people. It's a nasty habit, but I know I do it. In my mind I think I'm being helpful, but it's not helpful. It's rude. I want to choose to listen well to others and, in so doing, prefer others over my own needs and desires.

I thought this would be a meaningful activity for the whole family to participate in. As is our tradition, when I think something will be meaningful it usually isn't. The meaningful moments in life tend to surprise me.

My husband, being an internal processor is still thinking about what word he will choose. My oldest took about 2 seconds to choose his which was "love", always a good thing to focus on. Now for the younger two, that's where things went a little awry.

Emmie went for the Sunday school answer thing. First it was an immediate answer of "God". I asked her to give it a little more thought. Then she said, "Okay, I know: Jesus." At this point, I felt a little sac-religious when I told her to again reconsider her answer. How could I argue with "the name that is above all names"?! But she thought some more. This time she came up with "How about Trinity?". I give up.

When asked what word he wants to focus on for the year Jack's answer was "Spiderman". What else would it be?

No matter what word we choose, or don't choose, I'm thankful that God will accomplish His purposes for us in the coming year.

Boxers or Briefs?

Guess what? I have just been nominated for Mother of the year!

Okay, it's not an actual award. And I nominated myself. But I was so over-the-top incredible as a mom that I really have to give myself some props. Here's what I did: I remembered my sons show and tell day. I know, I know...I'm amazing. I mean this is show and tell, people. Show and tell does not exist much past kindergarten so ya gotta live it up while you have the chance. It might be such a big deal for me because we've had a few little mishaps in the recent past.

Kindergarten show and tell is every Friday and only 5 kids have a turn each week. So once a month you get your chance. November's show and tell didn't turn out so great. The Monday after Jack's was scheduled I realized I had forgotten and was telling him I was sorry that I hadn't reminded him. He said happily "It's no problem, Mom. I had my boxers!"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked increduously.

"I had something for show and tell, Mom. I had my boxers in my backpack, so I showed 'em my boxers!" He was so proud and excited. I, on the other hand was mortified.

"This is a joke, right? You are teasing me."

"Nope."

Quickly I penned a note to his teacher that read something like...I thought we had forgotten Jack's show and tell on Friday, but Jack has just informed me that he showed his boxers for show and tell. I want to assure you that this was not my intention. I have no idea why he even had boxers in his backpack. I'm sorry for any problem this may have caused in the class. And I am pretty sure this is the first time in all your years of teaching that you have received a note like this from a parent.

Thankfully, she has a great sense of humor. The best part is that she said she really didn't think too much of it at the time. He held up those boxers proudly and started talking about them as if he meant to bring them for show and tell all along. One thing is for sure, that boy is not going to lose his shot at the spotlight.

That brings us to December's show and tell. The item he showed was a Lunchable. Doesn't take much to figure out that, yep, mom forgot show and tell day again. And Jack, thankfully, had no undergarments stored away to fall back on this time.

It's January now and the tide has shifted. This morning, on his show and tell day, I marched my son off to school and snugly in his backpack was a Spiderman vehicle complete with Spiderman and Venom seated inside. U can't touch this!

And so for today that makes me Mother of the Year. We can only hope for the best when February rolls around.

Welcome back, old friend

After much anticipation, an old family friend is returning tonight.
American Idol.
I don't want to be an American Idol fan.
It' so yesterday. So cliche.
But I can't make myself stop loving it.
I love that our whole family enjoys it.
Okay, Bill might endure it more than he enjoys it,
but we are all in it together.
Maybe it would be more worthwhile to
be reading a classic like "Moby Dick" aloud as a family.
Instead we watch contrived "reality" tv
while shouting at our kids to cover their eyes during
the non kid-friendly commercials.
What precious memories.
Last season was my favorite.
David Cook had me at "Hello" and
David Archuleta...
*sigh*
Ask my kids how I feel about David Archuleta.
That voice. That angelic voice.
It's my happy place.
As for the others...
Randy. What's up, dawg? I like you
and the way your feedback sounds so street-savvy.
Paula. Crazy Paula. I love how you clap over your head.
I appreciate how you find something kind to say,
even with a contestant like Bucky.
That's not easy to do.
Ryan, the way you say "THIS is American Idol" gives me chills.
You make it look so easy.
New judge, whose name I don't remember,
welcome to the family. You are invited into our home
for hours each week. I hope you are worthy of it.
And Simon. Mean Simon. You can say anything
you want with that accent and we'll forgive you.
In honor of this happy day, I have created a special
American Idol playlist for your listening pleasure.
Let's be honest, it's for MY listening pleasure.
But feel free to indulge if you want.

Ringing in the New Year

I love a celebration.
But New Year's Eve for our family has often gone as follows:

kids in bed,
Bill in bed,
and me wishing myself a Happy New Year alone.
Pathetic, right?

Pity me no more.
This year we had our own version of a rockin' New Year's Eve.
The celebration consisted of:
dear friends,
good food,
fun games,
kids wide awake at midnight,
parents fighting to stay awake until midnight
and a chihuahua.

The words "all you can eat" put the happy in Happy New Year

Please don't call animal rights activists about what my husband is
doing to Senor Cruz, the Taco Bell dog.

At Wal-Mart we had two teams trying to fill our cart with items
totaling $2009. This seemed like a great idea until we realized we
were getting suspicious looks from employees due to all the
$400 items we were casually throwing into our carts.

Time's Square has nothin' on us!
You can watch the final countdown and
frenzied celebration below...
(pause music on the playlist if you want to hear it
in all it's glory)

"They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness."
Psalm 145:7

We celebrate the abundant goodness of God
we experienced in 2008.

And look forward to experiencing His goodness in 2009...
hopefully the year we will bring home the littlest Kollar
to join this crazy team.

How to succeed at a New Year's Resolution

I'm not a big New Year's resolution girl.

Mostly because I'm not a very resolute girl.
I can't resolve to do much of anything.
But I've had a little extra help with a resolution this year.
I'd love to feel a little less squished in my jeans.
Or have to buy new jeans a size smaller.
I thought I might start a diet in the new year.
I hate that it's so cliche, but if the shoe fits...
I kind of knew I might not really do it.
But thanks to a nasty stomach flu,
I'm on the road to thin already!
Thanks Walmart!
(That's where I assume we pick up every nasty bug.)
Now I just need to feel better,
so I can get back to Jazzercize,
the other part of the "magic weight loss" equation.
After a rather lengthy hiatus from my
old friend, Jazzercize, I will return.
If you think of Jazzercize like this...
you are mistaken.
It has the latest songs with funky moves.
If I went clubbing (HA!),
I could pull them out on the dance floor.
I have to be tricked into working out
and Jazzercize accomplishes that very well.
So, it's a new year.
I've got a new shrunken stomach.
And a new motivation to be tricked into working out.
Let's get it started!